threads of happiness

WAPAK

2012-01-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

The other day, I realized how I can affect another person, in a special way...

We were viewing houses to rent for this coming year because our rental contract will end on January 31st, 2012. Knowing expenses are getting high , I never expected to find a house rent lower than what we have now. Also, I have some restrictions to the next house that we are going to rent, because my child will start studying this year.

First restriction is, I need to get my own room, because she is getting bigger now. I cannot share rooms with Laine, mainly I am considered a single unit of community with the father missing in action, so i have a mom as a proxy to take care of my child when I am working. second restriction is it should be within the neighbourhood because the school she is registered to only will recognize her staying there as s student if all their requirements are matched, which included the location we are staying. When you are on a limited budget and a lot of restrictions, your window of options is quite small, like a pin hole as I would say.

The only solution that I can think of at the moment is to tell my friend, who is also our agent to be true to all my request. To be honest I am not sure if for him these are demands...hehehe =)
But the saying "finding a needle in a haystack" will not coined if it has not happened before...and by God's grace.. we found a house... not only that I need but my flatmates loves....

But what really caught white handly was the reaction of my friend agent, he told me he was willing to shell out the necessary money to help us out to transfer to the house we wanted. I asked him for the reason, he said because I am a good person, I was kind to him during the time he needed a friend. That I was a a good hearted person...and he will forever cherish. I was so touched by his words, i never knew that by being myself I had a great impact on another person's life...

What I lack, GOD finds people to help me out to have it...THANK YOU LORD...

THANK YOU FOR A GOOD 2012 start..............

Life of Luxury

2011-12-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

I attended our dinner and dance tonight and the theme of the party was life of luxury...

Hmm....I imagined myself of life of luxury...I go to stores, where I look a the fabric when buying clothes and not the price tags. I eat what I want to eat. I go to places, I way to discover...Ellyce and me would travel a lot...I'll live in Canada with Dag and Nilo...cause I needed a fresh start.

I'd still keep my job, I'd hire a nanny and send my mom back to Philippines. I would buy a house and lot on Ellyce name. Get her a trust fund. Share some of my blessings to the church I am attending...I pray for it to have a place of worship...

I'll have our house get major renovations...I want a three story house with 6 bedrooms...A play room and a place for cooking...

I would sponsor a cousin to study....and have a blast in life....

Life of Luxury for me is taking out the limits and the boundaries of budget....hehehhehe

2012......

2011-12-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

Before the closing of 2011.. I like to list all of t he things I am thankful for...Thank you, Lord for :

1. Paying my loan for Standard Chartered.

2. Approval of my Dad's long term visa.

3. Ellyce, smooth enrollment to school here in Singapore

4. A new job

5. Increase in salary

6. Payment of my other personal debts to close friends..

7. List of debts, getting shorter.

8. Elmer and Ecats visit to SG

9.Travel to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam and Genting, Malaysia

10.My macbook air

11. My HP Compaq laptop computer

12. Savings for Ellyce and myself.

Praying for 2012..

1. Singaporean citizenship approval

2. Fulfilling job.

3. Increase in Salary.

4. Tithing to continue

5. To fall in love and meet God's Will

6. To come home to Philippines this Christmas

7. To spend my 35th birthday in another country..(Japan, or Korea or HK)

8.To finish off my personal debts.

Lord, you kept me growing and walking to Life steadily...I know You will be there all the way..

Thank you for all the blessings and gift of Life...

Earlene

10/12/11

0039 hrs

Death

2011-12-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

I watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 with my housemates. I took me by surprise, that same reaction Edward Cullen and Bella was going through, send me back to past. I never wanted to visit it anymore, that part of my past, because of too many unspoken words, and due to this unspoken words, there were of course, unanswered questions....

It brought be back April 10, 2008 at Bedok Reservior to be exact. It was drizzling, the same reactions, Edward said, that was the same things he said...The first words, were..."Are, you okay?" "Do you feel sick?".. and ""It's all my fault"...Then time stood still....

Watching the movie, in a way, gave me some answers, but answers that are all maybes....Bella to Edward was like oxygen, it made him feel whole again..Life made sense with her....and even just the thought of losing her...makes his heart stop beating... as if vampires have beating hearts... =)

In a way let's put it that life will stop revolving....I never knew I had that impact on him..Until this very day, he says life has been hard on him...well, to be honest, life to all has been hard...that is why there is a saying " Pray not for life to be easy, but for you to be stronger"....

I know, he does not know, but if this blog would reach him, I'd like to say..I wanted to chose you, I wanted to my very last breath to be with you..to cherish all the days with you just like before..But the part of me that you wanted me to sacrifice just to have that is a fruit and the evidence of our love...

If for you, life now is hard, I tell you, now, As if a part of me died...I cannot be the same person anymore, and my worse opponent is myself getting back on track...I need to be sane, to breath...for her...I forgotten to be angry anymore...and at times I feel like, I am not human as well, to forgive the man, who took her chance of having a dad....

Death also came to me...I lose confidence, I grew lot of white hair, I had to live up to the things that I have, and have loneliness beside me.....I also died.. I do not know why you still want to hide...but I suggest coming out in the open is the first step to setting yourself free...

3 years, is a good enough track that I never wanted for your money....as for Edward and Bella..forever is just the beginning.. but for us, it ended that day...it was drizzling and when the rain stopped.. our hearts stopped beating as well...

No Expextations

2011-08-13T07:38:00.001-07:00

When things come least expected and it's good.. you are overwhelmed by the great luck you received. But when something happened unexpected and you got hurt, you build a fortress to help you not to touch those hot waters again...

In the situation I am now, I wanted to build a wall but I know I should take the latter, and that is to not to expect...these are the times when "no" is associated to a word and it becomes a good thing.. " NO EXPECTATIONS"....However, these words does not come in small packages, you need great deal of attitude and character to conquer it...As they say attitude is 10% of what is happening to you but it's 90% of how you choose to react....I got tired of being historical and hysterical as my pastor say...She said, when we are angry, we become hysterical..shouting, cursing, adding ridicule to insult..I also become historical, digging the ghost of past and let them haunt me until I get to a point of exploding....

If there are no expectations, you are conquering your fears, and most of all you are to the best of your character, meaning being true to yourself to forgive...Forgive the person who hurt you, and most of all to forgive yourself for letting it take over you...I am no saint, but I know I am still of clear mind...because I can forgive...NO EXPECTATIONS anymore....

OUCH!!!

2011-08-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

"I have learned now that while those who speak about ones miseries usually hurt, but those who keep silence hurt more. " — C.S. Lewis

It hurts I admit, until now, it does. But the situation can hurt you as long as you allow it to. I thought to myself, life has to move on...your life is moving on, what should be the reason why mine can't?

Scanning to those photos, made my head hurt, because of all the questions that keep on popping in my mind. At first I acted of hiding, keeping away...but then again I thought, why would I hide..I was no the liar...

The truth is that I loved you...I hurt inside because I trusted you..I was true to those feelings during the time we were together...even the little hope I have now, diminished..

To be honest, I am happy for you, you have your plans coming together, your brother is here.. you have a good job, that provides for your family.. you made your mom proud....but you are the worst father of them all...how can you live each day??? how can you even breath....??

One day, time will fly away and I'll be just laughing about these things....and that time starts now......

Inevitable

2011-06-15T12:42:00.001-07:00

Inevitable
May 16th, 2007 by earlene0356

Inside her mind she is trying to find
Nowhere to see but within her heart
Entitled to sorrow
Vent to oneself
In time it will be cured
Till then let not unfold
Allow space to change and behold
Beneath the tears and the pain
Lies a smile waiting to unveil
Eventually this girl will see sunshine again

Officially Closed

2008-04-06T08:56:00.001-07:00

I am officially closing this blogsite. I am creating a new one, but I still do not know when. The memories I have in it, are wonderful and mind opening for a simple girl like me.

I have grown to be stronger and more wise. Thank you for all my friends who always visit it and try to read my never ending search of true love. I guess, I am still a failure at this time, but I am more than happy with no regrets of what I have gained and experienced.

I do not want to bring up the past again. I will just look into the future. of what it is in store for me. I will be ready for it as I know it would be more challenging and more breath taking. I am ready to captue every opportunity, feel every inch of it and always stand up victorious.

If I lose.. then let it be another story...hope you guys will still be supporting me and encouraging me like you have done before...

Until I find the right blogsite....

Thank you.......

2008-04-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

Pagsulat Muli

2008-04-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

Matagal tagal na ako di nakakapagsulat. Ayoko na kasi ilagay yung mga kwento ko tungkol sa aking buhay pag-ibig. Minsan naiisip ko, wala na kapupulutan na aral ang aking mga karanasan. hehehe drama ba?

Pero yung mga natutunan ko na lang sasabihin ko...

1. Pag nagmahal ka, totoo yung sinasabi nila na dapat lagi ka magtitira para sa sarili mo. Wag mo ibigay ang 100 %. Sabi nga nila nobody will love you more, but yourself.

2. It's okey to show your feelings, it's your right. Mas sinusuppress mo yung nararamdaman mo, mas magpupumiglas yan.

3. Learn to balance things, wag lagi puso, wag lagi utak. Minsan raw pag pagod na ang puso, utak naman ang gamitin, at pag pagod na ang utak, puso naman ang pairalin.

4. Magkaiba kayo na tao, at dahil dito magkaiba kayo ng pananaw sa mga bagay bagay..Don't ever assume. Try to ask questions...Magmatapang, tulad ng ninuno nating si Andres Bonifacio...hehehe

5. Don't set your expectations too high..love counts more if it comes in gestures of assurance, hugs, kisses, saying take care, i love you.

6. Don't try to change that person to fit your "ideal person"

7. Always talk, talking is the key, when you talk you discover things about the other person, you learn things are not what it seems.

8. Make each other laugh, dun mo makikita na, lahat pala tayo may special talent na mag punch line...hehhe

9. Take time to give each other time and at the same time learn when to give some space, dapat may breathing ground rin. Maganda yun kasi namimiss nyo ang isa't isa

10. If all things fail, sometimes, okey lang magpahinga, collect your thoughts. If ayaw mo na talaga, tell it to the other person. To be fair...

Ano expert na ba ako? nyahaha

Ito, if all things fail...wag raw sa text sabihin, o sa email..kausapin mo kahit for the last time, para makita nya expression ng muka mo, tono ng boses mo, body language, mo..then malalaman mo rin ang totoo at an instant. =)

HEADACHE

2008-03-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

Headache you'll always have
Every now and then it come
Always need medicine to relax or
Die of pain all day and night
Act immediately and seek advice
Carry yourself to the doctor
Headache might cause problems tonight and
End your chances to go to DUBAI

You Give Me Something

2008-03-04T01:56:00.000-08:00

James Morrison

You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

I Love You NOT

2008-02-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

Everytime you make excuses to meet my friends.

Everytime you cannot state our status

Everytime you suddenly keep quiet with no reason at all

Whenever, you don't take notice of me.

Every weekend

Everytime I call and I notice you never call me but only sms to reply.

Everytime I cannot hug you or express myself in front of so many people, because you do not want them to know.

Everytime I cry, each time we say goodbye from the taxi, because you cannot come up to my house.

Everytime, I remember our monthsary and wanted to celebrate it

Vague future

No future

Everytime, I want to tell you how much I am hurting but because I do not want to ruin the time spent together, I just keep quiet

Everyitme I have to convince myself not to fall in love with you anymore because this is only temporary.

Still holding on, because I love you...

Finding What's Right for Me

2008-02-19T21:26:00.000-08:00

Everytime, you feel boredom and unsatisfaction to your job, you always analyze yourself and ask the question WHY?

Like love, job is also a relationship. yess....let me demostrate to you why..

1. At first choose which job, suits your tastes and at the same time the job, chooses you for the qualitites you have.
2. You get to know each other, putting your best foot forward as you make your way to familiarization.
3. Once you familiarize yourself, you try to win your job's attention, by giving out your extra unique qualities.
4. You go to office everyday, wearing your smile and go home with satisfaction in your face... you are inspired...
5. You learn little by little how this job, operates and the people behind it..you tend to analyze and see if it's good or bad?
6. Later you feel, you are not challenged anymore, and you are not taken care off.
7. You give your best to the work, but it seem you are not appreciated.
8. You exert more effort, but you get burned out.
9. Eventually, you feel left out...You decide to leave
10. You make yourself available and cancel your agreement with the current beau..I mean job.. hehehe =)

See it's like falling in love then getting hurt and loving again...

So happy HUNTING GUYS....=)

Will I strike 2 birds with one stone???? hehehe =P

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

Last year I celebrated Valentine's Day with my college friends. (Who says Valentines is for couples only) hehehehe =) Then yesterday, I choose to celebrate it with them. Same time, same place, same old faces. After a year of being together here in Singapore, we managed to find love, experienced it, lost it, still holding on to it and fighting for it. We laughed, of how much we have changed for the course of time and I noticed in some ways our values changed, our outlook in life, our plans also changed.

We choose to look into the future and not settle on the past. We choose to learn and be there for each other. I rarely talk to them, mostly on chats only and sms, but I know in some ways we are already connected.

Yesterday, we were, planning on jumping to another country, on visiting and travelling once again, since 2008 has just come. All the adventures we had, made us closer and happy women, not seeing any doubts or regrets for the paths we chose. I value them, it makes me feel more blessed knowing them and expressing to them freely and the acceptance from them, that this is "ME".

Well, that is love, accepting the person for what he is, who he wants to become and trusting that whatever path he chose, he still will be there for you, doing the same thing......
HAPPY VALENTINES!!!! =P

I Love You

2008-02-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

Everytime you give me the prawns in your noodle soup, because you know they're my favorite
Helps me get those noodles using chop sticks because I can't
Patiently waits for me, even it's only 30 minutes
Tell me your true self even it might make you feel inferior
Buy me mango juice and pretend it's your extra one
Call me, everytime you feel a headache
Eat my left over
Buy me what food I want and never afraid for me to gain a little few pounds
Dinner once a week
Ask for 2 sets of spoon and fork so that people will not think I do not know how to use chop sticks
Send me home after dinner
Sound of your laughter everytime, we are together
Hugs during sunset
Kisses on the beach
Touch of assurance you're back
Looks that seem promises of forever
Unspoken words
Never saying "I love you"
Leaving without any reasons said
Looking into my eyes
Tears on my eyes
Uncertainty of forever
Understanding without questions
Trusting without seeing
Holding on, but ready to let go when the time comes

Earlene
February 9, 2008

I can be the one

2008-01-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Dati nung mga panahon na nababaliw pa ako sa iyo. Lagi ko ginawa ang lahat ng bagay, para ba masabi ko sa iyo o maramdaman mo na "I can be the one". Sa unang pagkakataon nasaktan mo ako, maraming beses, di lang ata isa..minsan di ko na rin kayang bilangin, kung sasama ko yung mga pagbalewala mo at saka pag iwas mo sakin ng bigla bigla na lang.

Ngayon, iniisip mo pa ba na ganun kita kamahal, paano kung ako rin ang magsabi sa iyo ng "I can be the one who will break your heart this time?"

Ako

2008-01-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

I grew up in an environment where, you think of others first before your own. That you will be given life's rewards if you choose "sacrifice".

All along in my life, I only think of others before me. What would others say? What would others feel? What would they expect me to do? I gained people's respect, I do not know is it because of my personality or because, I put them first before me?

I never regret my choices in life, because, I know to live life is also not to look back with shame. Always be careful with your choices and if cannot be helped, you have to stand to a decision in which you think you feel you can accept and live with.

I lived my life for other people but not mine. I thought that I can only continue to pursue to breath a little bit more because I have people who needs me.

But 2008 seems different, I am tired, suddenly tired of putting off to people's demands. I want to life my life now, not for people, but for my own..Live my life, as if my last and my choices would mainly be to answer the only question, will it make me happy??

Is it being selfish? I really do not know.....Is it a sin to hope for your own wellness?... Maybe I'll answer it on my next entry? =)

Tattoo

2008-01-18T18:26:00.000-08:00

Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one

Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you

I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus x2]
Just like a tattooI'll always have you

My Man

2008-01-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

Dreaded commitment because of your dreams
Always wanted to improve your life by all means
Visualizing your life of being alone
In the future you say, you'll have it all...
Did not matter, how it will go, because your eyes are locked to your goals.

Please stop looking at me like that
Hoping you'll stay forever more
Anticipating your dreams would include me
Making me more, lonely

Cross the bridge when I get there, they say
Only to wish to see you on the other side
Now here we are again, together and happy
Going out and enjoying each other's company.

This is my now, will I turn away or stay?
Unchain my heart from this situation
Although I grown to learn that this is not forever
Never I surrender praying that one day, you'll be "My Man"

Earlene
January 19,2008
10:09 am

Crew

2008-01-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

I was helping my brother edit his resume yesterday and I cannot imagine how years have gone by so easily that now, he is a matured grown man, ready for the real world.

As part of his job experiences I saw, staff crew for a food chain..He was proud to say he was once a crew. Two of my brothers worked on a food chain and I am not ashamed to tell my friends. I even let my friends see them at work.

Being a crew is hard work, when they come home around 2 am and then just sometimes sleep without changing their clothes, I know they were tired, serving other people, giving them their best service to people. Making sure orders are correct, and on time. Making sure, the tables are clean and tidy.

I strive hard until now, not because for myself, but because of my siblings, who have been so helpful of me as well in bringing up our family. Living in the Philippines in hard, and even harder if your family is bigger.

I thank them until now, because, we have a give and take relationship. We sacrifice some of our time to enjoy life, to work at a young age.

Now, my brother has just graduated and ready to look for a corporate job, we will work hand in hand until our two other siblings graduate. I love them and I do not know living life without them as well...and for my brothers who have worked hard, I salute you...I love you...mwaahh =)

band aid

2008-01-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

Sabi ko sa sarili ko ayoko na nito. Nakakatawang isipin na pati sa google, pwede mo na i search ang mga advises na gusto mo nakuha pag heartbroken ka...Keep away, occupy your mind with things, be with friends, surround yourself with love ones, enjoy LIFE....

Hanggang ngayon pare-parehas ang pinag dadaanan mo, medyo na lang nag eevolve kasi after the first heart ache, you learn. Di ko alam na pati pala sila nag eevolve. hehehe =) May mga kaibigan rin ako nakaranas nyan, humihingi na nga ko ng padlock di na bad aid. Para wala na sakit...pero sadyang my heart is like a teenager, wala pa masyado alam, kaya gusto pa mag explore...nyahaha...

Actually nakita ko lang ang pic na ito, ganda kasi, sometimes even you're heart broken, you still find ways to see beauty on things around you...you find that, ang paglaban kahit talunan, ang importante, buhay ka pa rin...ready sa susunod na laban after mong magpahinga at maghilom.

Hhhmmmm... ilang bad aids na kaya nasa puso ko?? hehehe =)

After A Month

2008-01-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

Alam ko dapat ko isulat ito... December 26, 2007 di ko makakalimutan yun, 4 days before Saturday shift tayo nun, sabi mo gutom ka na. I shared my cookies, bigay ni bob yun sa akin. Sabi mo the "biscuit taste different, is it expired?" sabi ko hindi, pero nung tinikman ko, naintindihan ko sinabi mo.. ahahaha =P

Pero di ko alam kung alam mo yung araw na yun, December 26, 2007, ika one month ng confrontation natin, bigla ka ng pop, sabi mo "i will be passing my thesis on January 11 and I am already done until Chapter 4, left with 2 chapters". Di ko alam ang dahilan mo,para sabihin yun, pero I took it as nothing...but I told you I was proud of you.

I never thought by that biscuit eh, we would be talking again, but if it made the trick.THANK YOU, BOB. =P A week later,sinabayan mo ako umuwi, never realizing, you were trying to ask me out....But, it came clear, when, you said can I go out to movie with you? (pasensya na po sa mga bumabsa, kung tunog conio, english speaking kasi itong, boylet ko)

I said no, when you asked me out, tingin ko kasi mali at that time. Pero, sabi ko sa sarili ko, next time you asked me out, I will definitely say yes.... di ko naman alam na 4 days after ganun ka kapersistent, you asked me again, this time your words, melt my heart.... "earlene, i hope you watch movie with me or have dinner tonight? can?" yesssss.....bigla ka ulit naging guapo sa akin...ahahahahaha =P

This time I said yes, but I do not want to hurry up things....I do not want to jump into conclusions...I just want to say, it's good we are in good terms again, I know it's been one month hell for you as well...so for now....let's be friends once again....=)

Earlene
House
1:33 am January 12, 2008

Tama o Mali

2008-01-11T06:33:00.000-08:00

Nung maliit pa ako, pag mabait ako at tama ang ginawa ko, siguradong may magandang regalo ako sa mga magulang ko o sa lolo at lola ko. Pag makulit ako, o matigas ang ulo, sigurado may palo rin ako. First sign na natatakot ka o nasasaktan ka ay pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata mo..pero dahan dahan mo natututunan ang pagkakaiba ng tama at mali.

Habang lumalaki ako, nakakakilala ng mga tao, may mga nagiging kaibigan, lumalawig ang kaalaman mo sa tama at mali. Minsan natutukso ako gawin ang mali, pero dahil sa murang edad at takot, diko na tinuloy ang mga bagay na yun. Lagi ko kasi naririnig sa mga pinsan ko na mas matatanda sakin na " naranasan ko na yan, kaya wag mo na gawin, dahil nasa huli ang pagsisise".

Ngayon nasa tamang edad na ako, ano nga ba ang basihan ng tama o mali? Pag ba masaya ka, tama yun? Pag ba masakit, mali?

Behind The Tears...is a Strong Girl

2008-01-08T17:56:00.000-08:00

I can now smile, I can now joke, after a while.
They say I am a tough girl, that I can get over it easily.
Losing weight was not an option but sleepless nights cannot be helped.
Too much thinking is a killer and swollen eyes is a dread.
I tried my best not to soak my pillows with tears, but my clothes are not an exemption...
But now, I can smile and I am much stonger now...

Attention

2008-01-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

When we were small, our parents will always give us attention and full of it. When we are growing they would teach us how to sing, dance, recite a poem or do something that would capture attention (like our clothes, hair, eyes, balat) hehehe =) Those things did not matter if it is correct or not but as long as we can see people giving us the eye and then smiling, then we hit the homerun.

When we are teenagers, we hide, we do not let people see us, we do not want them to see the changes happening to our body as if we are morphing into aliens...When we become adults and fall in love, the only reason we want is to seek attention and get it from the person we love.

Why is attention that important? Why do we yearn for it? Why do we work hard for it? Last time I sought your attention, I told myself, I will not stop until your eyes are locked to me....but in return you hurt me. Now I am doing my very best not to notice you, not to look for the one thing I want from you, but you are the one freely giving it to me now? Why?

I still want your attention, but will it gain me happiness or just another heart ache? How far will you go, for me to capture your attention? or you're just checking out on me? Are you leaving soon, that is why you are giving it to me? Then should I give it to you, because time is precious? or are you also yearning attention from me too?

Old Friends, New Objective, Old dreams, New Prespective....

2007-12-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas is just over, and new year is on its way. I would say I have been blessed this year with so many things. They say count your blessings and count them slow...

1. Transferring houses
2. New friends to know and Old friends to Keep
3. Travelling
4. Going back home
5. My dad graduating
6. Our new washing machine (pati ba ito?) hehehe
7. My brother graduating
8. My elder brother, getting married
9. For our healthy bodies
10.For him coming to my life and leaving...

My objective this 2008

1. To pay a down payment for a house and lot
2. To have my own savings
3. Laptop
4. New job
5. PR application and approval
6. To send my love ones here and have a blast
7. To be more sexier and beautiful..hehehe =)
8. To enjoy life
9. Higher Pay
10. For him to finally find me (paano kaya?)

Sometimes, we have to be braver, bolder and wiser. Try to stand up to every fall, heal the bruises and mend the scars. Remind oneself of the mistake and learn from it. Slowly raise our heads high and smile that all along we were surrounded with all the love we need to withstand the pain and turn it to a good one..

HAPPY 2008 everyone, ready for a SPLASH.....!!!!! =)

You Better Watch Out

2007-12-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Christmas is just hours away and it seems, it still a regular day here in Singapore. In the Philippines, last minute shopping will be a soar and traffic jam everywhere, mainly because people want to spend Christmas with their families...

I miss Christmas in the Philippines, this is the 2nd time I am spending it away from my family, and it is still quite getting use to..I miss the old Christmas tree, that even so old, still gives a warmth feeling of happiness to the house. I miss the lights and night mass, because there you will see your friends and joke together and make sure that on the Christmas Mass, we all be wearing something new. hehehe =)

I miss Christmas get together more, I thought I was spending it with someone special but I guess, I was early to look into the future...But I am still happy, I have my family overseas, my extended family and friends out there, all wishing me good things...

And the true meaning of Christmas is Celebration of Jesus Birthday...We all should be happy as Jesus is born on this day. The day, that would change our lives forever....

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY !!!!

I Know Not but HE Knows......

2007-12-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

Four days from now it will be a month but I still have not found the answer for the big question WHY? Tears would never fall down in my eyes anymore but everytime you call me, everytime you look at me, I can still feel the deep pain you have given me..So many whys, so many what ifs, so many hopes, so many doubts....

I thought my love was enough to sustain it all, make believe that you would come back and take all the pain away.. but as days go by all you give me is broken dreams...I am all used up, all broken..trying to convince myself to stop...

At night, I crawl to my bed, pray and ask, WHY? why does this has to happen? Why did my heart gave in? Why did I not see it coming? Why did I let you enter my life? I really cannot find the answers and I know I will never get it from you... So I just pray... silently pray and hoping that one day, I find the answers, that one day I will tell myself "ow, that's why?" ....Because I may not know it, but GOD has reasons and GOD knows why you happen to my life....

What if I never had met you....

2007-12-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

One of my past time includes watching the reruns of "Sex and the City" these past few days. I take it as my boredom and heartbroken medicine. A doze of 3 episodes per day make me feel "myself again".

The story is about 4 friends around the ages of late 30's enjoying every single moment of their lives and thier love lives as well. One of the season ender, Carrie, the main character, ask this questions to her friends " what if I had never met you?......"

Then it came to me, this one question, It keep coming out from my head...one single question that has this big impact that it keep running in my head. What if I never had met you?

To my friends, What if I had never met you? I may not have come out from my shell. I might still be the timid shy girl in the corner and not knowing what life is in store for me. I might be afraid to face my future, to face the kids that bully me around. I might not be this jolly person you have discovered. I might not be smiling at life's hardships and I might have not lived this long. I might not be young looking as I am today (hehehe =P). You are my color, the shades of green, yellow, purple, red, blue, orange that kept my life vibrant. You were also the black and white. You taught me strength, courage, true happiness and contentment. You help me see the beauty in things, to travel and discover my potentials. Every fall, you were there to help me mend my broken and bruised heart. You guys loved me, for me....

To you (lahat na kayo dyan), who have hurt my heart. To you who I have given me love and let me feel how to be special, thank you. If I have not met you, I would not have experienced this feeling. For the hurt, I also thank you...you made me into a better person. You made me grow up, learn new things and rediscover, that I can live a happy life with you and without you...The pain, the heart ache, the tears, the sleepless nights, the abnormality of deciding to let go or not...It was worth it all. To the current one, I may be still soul searching and mending a big wound.. but I know healing will come eventually... it's a challenge I have to win everyday, immunity not included....hehe mala survivor...

What if I had never met you...then I am the dullest person alive....

Weekends

2007-12-09T17:48:00.000-08:00

Last time, weekends was my dreaded day. Because, mostly I do not get to talk and see you. I tried to ask what is it with weekends that it seems you are detached from my world, but I was afraid to hear the answers. So I just, accepted it, that on weekends, I will not SMS you, but to think of you is another story. At times I admit I would try to ask, how are you, but most of the time, you would not answer. =(

When Sunday night arrives, I am getting ready for Monday. Weekdays are the best of days. Hoping to see you at the MRT, sometimes wake up early to prepare you breakfast or lunch. Nothing beats my happiness. Then before the weekdays end, you would invite me for lunches and dinners..I kept on looking forward to it...Knowing we would have time ... real " QUALITY TIME".

Now, I dread weekdays and weekends are my bestfriend.

Upside Down - 6Cycle Mind

2007-12-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

i've been spending some time
thinking i'd be alright
don't know if i could
really make it tonight

lie awake in the dark
come down then i start
thinking about you
is almost breaking my heart

i don't know where i went wrong
or what's going on
baby i feel like our love's lost tonight

should i stay, should i go
well i really don't know
lately i've been missing you so

refrain
baby you don't understand
our love lies lost
but your still
holding my hand

oh and then you walk away
just tonight
i want you to stay

chorus
you're turning me on you turn me around
you turn my whole world
upside down
(repeat twice)

everytime i hurt you
well it's hurting me too
don't know if
i could really stay here tonight

tired of thinking of you
and everything that you do
tell me what am i supposed to do
well i just wanted to say that i need you today
tell me its all gonna work out alright

i dont know where i should start
but with all of my heart
baby let me
be your lover tonight

repeat refrain
repeat chorus twice

Jingle Bells

2007-12-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

I am already heart broken, so I do not need a dull CHRISTMAS. I made a big step on going to the sale and buy myself a 4 feet Christmas tree and some house decorations. hehehe =) After cleaning and cooking dinner, I started decorating the Christmas tree. Well, I may say so myself, it was good, the house has the spirit of the Yultide season even all heartbroken lives there.

But what is the true meaning of Christmas, is it time of loneliness because you are away from your family and you just broke up and also broke... I do not think so, Christmas is about Jesus, HIS birthday and his coming to this WORLD. His confirmation of bringing SALVATION.

I hope, we would look deep inside our souls and thank JESUS as HE celebrate HIS birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS....thank you, thank you for this life I have, whatever it is...I am very greatful to have known YOU....

Someday

2007-12-08T21:02:00.000-08:00

Hi,

How are you? One day more and it's 2 weeks. Imagine, how fast the days have gone by.
Sometimes, I want to bring it back and take away all the things that I have said, but I know I can't. 2 weeks of denial and acceptance and moving on, it was very hard.

I admit, every time I hear your voice and see your frowning face, I want to run to you and take it all away, because some of it was my infliction. But some force is stopping me, because we are sailing both ships..I try to balance myself and find my way to redemption but I can set myself not to look at you. But i have to try...

Now, I am quite okey, knowing I have done my part, tried to fix some lose threads and set the line straight. You know what is in my heart and you know what I want. I am not asking you to reach out for my hand...I only wish for you to be better.

I wish to see you smile again and tell me things like how you'd been, how is your life and the plans you are taking...I wish for you to have strength to face each day and courage to slowly reach your goals, because I know that's what you always wanted.

And I hope next time, we would just laugh about it and joke at each other of what has happened. But for now...I will try to step my feet one step at a time and see the good things of what life has brought me....

Missing you so much,

Earlene

Naughty by Nature

2007-12-04T07:21:00.001-08:00

A good way to take away stress, depression, heartache and boredom is posing for a camera...hehehe =) Earlier, I had gone to an appointment to have my picture taken and was given free makeup, image instructor to teach me to pose and a camera man. Wow, this is life.

I was instructed to change twice and it was fun posing for 50 shots...hehehe =) All stress was gone.. Thank you for, Sam who was very helpful and the nbyn images. I had a blast....

Calm After the Storm

2007-12-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

Have you experienced a strong storm before?

Before it comes, you can here the houling winds and the strong spatter in the roof. You become vunerable of the non-stop thunder and lightning. You become afraid and think when will it stop. Everywhere is darkness and cold. Uncertainty arises...

During the rain, you sleep, you try to see the good thing about it. The cold will get you a good sleeping mode. The spatter of the rain will sound like music to your ears, as you dream away. hehehe =) and eating hot foods can never be better. Champorado and tuyo anyone? =D

Then when you wake up, you will see the clearness of the sky. There might be mess everywhere, but you are ready to fix things again. To put things where they are and organize. Start another day with a smile in you face because you know you SURVIVED....

Awakening

2007-12-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

I did not realize that I was going desperate from the past one week. It was only today, that I wake up from my unnecessary behavior.

It all started last Monday when I unexpectedly, pull out as what I thought was a harmless question that became my greatest fear. Well, it all started with innocent waiting and going home together, followed by lunch and dinners and spending time in the beach. I never thought that such a guy will have interest in me, after reading the book "How to Meet Your One True Love" and praying for ages to meet "the guy". There he was, talking to me , asking me to spend time with him, endless chatting and laughs. I was practically, got hooked up and hit by cupid, real hard.

As my friends would say, I fell in love easily. One month of the happy together, friendly dates, we became officially and exclusively dating each other. In the long run, I thought, this guy was also feeling, what I am feeling. I thought this guy was head over heels of me, all was just a thought, a hunch, a hypothesis with no conclusion.

Then last Monday, as I thought about it, it happened, I asked for our status. Like two sides of the coin, there were two sides of the story. I was just asking for assurance about the relationship, if we call it one and basically, he thought I was pressuring him to commit to me.

At first, I cannot see it, I cannot see the part, that I was pressuring him, but 7 days later and a zillion times reading the conversation that we had in yahoo that I saved. I saw it.... the part of me that I was dreading to be....The monster crawl into me and I for that moment sounded desperate.

As any broken hearted girl, it would be flight or fright case to case basis and since I have been always choosing the latter, I made a decision to fight. At 8 pm in the evening at my house in front of the computer, I have done the unimaginable, I send him sms and ask him, "do you like me?" actually, that was suppose to be " do you love me?" but I thought that was to way off. Then he never replied......I was really pushing him and I might lose something that I have because of too much paying attention to detail.

If you can read this, I am sorry, I never thought I'd be like this, but please do understand that I am just wanting something to start right...I woke myself up from my dream, I woke myself up, we should be like before enjoying each other's company first, I should be in a way sensitive enough to know that you are having hard days...

But thank you, I already woke up, I know now what to do. I should love myself more, I should be true to myself that I need to respect myself..Thank you, that even I want to bury myself alive for the sms I sent you, it already happen, I cannot turn back time and take back what I asked, what I had done...

I am now awakened and no more sleepless nights, thinking on uncertainties, thinking of bad things, like you leaving me...I know, you also had enough of me and I pushed you way too the edge of the cliff that you don't want to come back anymore...but now i am awake and I will love myself I little more than before.

i hope you get through your obstacle right now and if after all this things we still decided to be together, let fate decide on that, but for now I will enjoy my awakening.

Heroes

2007-11-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

When we came upon watching heroes last week that is the time the marathon begins. Most of the time spent in front of the screen just to make sure we finish the chapters. The powers of this extra ordinary people was so amazing.

Imagine yourself, you can fly, read people's thoughts, can have body regeneration, tele-portation, see the future, and so much more...

If i was going to be a hero, I would want to have the power to read minds....So i will not be left questioning...I would not be left misunderstood. I would not be left, holding back...

Suresh said his father would always say, there are no answers but only more questions of "why?" Why this thing have to happen? Why this thing need to continue? Why am I still here? Why we are still waiting?

But also, much has been said that with great power comes great responsibility...maybe we do not have this extra heroic capabilities, but we have special abilities to care, to smile, to overcome obstacles or our own. We are survivors of everyday challanges and be thankful for it every second of our lives. We are fighters of "change", like water , we can copy the forms around us..

But sometimes heroes need rest too, they need love ones to understand them, believe in the things they are doing, turst in the path they choose and be there when they fail..

I want to have some heroic powers, too, but i am just me and I will try to be more that a hero can be... I will be myself....my own identity...

yesss...

2007-10-29T06:30:00.001-07:00

HHWW = Holding Hands While Walking

2007-10-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

When I arrived at the airport last Saturday morning, my mom and dad fetched me. They're still the same, quarreling like cats and dogs with even the simplest things. But what i admired in both of them, during their 32 years of marriage, i know it has been tough and hard, but both of them never gave up.

Sometimes, I can see them, still holding hands when walking together and you can see the contentment on their faces, that even it was hurtful sometimes, they are still together and fighting life together....

I hope that when I grow old, there would be someone who will hold my hands while walking life's journey..who will support me and trust me and love me without questions...By God's grace I pray for all of this... =)

LEAD ME LORD

2007-10-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

LEAD ME LORD

Gary Valenciano

Lead me Lord, lead me by the hand

And make me face the rising sun

Comfort me through all the pain

That life may bring

There's no other hope

That I can lean upon

Lead me Lord

Lead me all my life

Walk by me, walk by me across

The lonely road that I may face

Take my arms and let your hand

Show me the way

Show the way to live inside your heart

All my days, all my life

Refrain: You are my light

You're the lamb upon my feet

All the time my Lord I need You there

You are my light I (just) cannot live alone

Let me stay By Your guiding love

All through my life

Lead me Lord

Even though at times I'd rather go alone my way

Help me take the right direction

Take Your road Lead me Lord

And never leave my side

All my days

All my life

You are my light

You're the lamb upon my feet

All the time my Lord I need You there

You are my light I (just) cannot live alone

Let me stay By Your guiding love

All through my life

All through my days

Lead me, O Lord Lead me Lord

Could Not Ask For More

2007-10-27T05:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing beats coming back home. =) The moment I arrived from the airport, the time I saw my parents from the waiting area.. I knew, I was back home. Nothing much change, same old house, same old environment. They house is not as bright as what I have in Singapore, but my house is full of laughter and love. Our house is so old, that I am almost would think twice to invite visitors over because, I have nothing to offer them, but I will never exchange it for anything in this world. My dad's laughter, my mom's voice calling me for lunch, my sister's whining because she wants to watch television, my 2 brother's (Elmer and Edward's) snoring, because they are on night shift and sleeping in the morning is their only rest, my kuya Ever's noisy feet because he is rushing to go to office, I love them.

There were times you want to get out for a while, but then again, you always want to go back, just go back to see them once more....

Now, I have another person in my life, I am missing him right now, sometimes I do not know if he misses me too. But I will just trust him like I told him before...

So, at this time, I could not ask for more....because I am content of what I have and I try to cherish every moment , every chance I have...Because, I only got one CHANCE in Life....

May kalabuan......part 2

2007-10-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

Parang nung isang araw, kakasimula pa lang ng Mayo. Medyo pangit kasi ang ending ng Abril ko , so understood di rin maganda pasok ng Mayo...Maraming problema..maraming hussle...Muntik na magkahiwalay...muntik na mag away..medyo may sumbatan..medyo may alitan.. misunderstanding..haayyy..
Pero ngayong patapos na ang Mayo, mukhang magiging masaya na ako..hehehe =) nakapag plan na ako ng vacation/s ko..sana matupad lahat yun..nakatapos na ako sa isang responsibilidad..at na eenjoy ko nanaman ang paglabas.. =)
Sa pag pasok ng Hunyo, kalahating taon na agad ang lumipas...2 libro na ang nababasa ko..ang target ko is more than 5 books this year..sana matupad..matapos ko ang ibang responsibilidad ko at malinis ang aking record...salubingin ang 2008 ng open arms with a smile in the face..ano ba yan may kalahating taon pa pala ako..
Gusto ko mapanood ang shrek 3, harry potter,fantastic 4 at ocean's 13 pero bago yun ang pirates of the caribbean muna.. =) gusto ko makapunta sa petronas tower at mapasa ko ang isang minimithing application..after nun masasabi kong mission accomplish nanaman ako for this year...ay oo nga pala ang pinakakaantay ko na araw, ang aking birthday, kasi 30 na ako nun..hehehe =) Imagine, three and zero..Buti na lang muka lang ako 24 =) hahaha..
Sana matupad lahat yan.. isang pangarap nanaman na kasing sarap ng super supreme pizza na may 3 cheese lava explode sa dulo with honey roast chicken wings on the sides...yummy

Ito yung entry na ginawa ko nung May 29, 2007... Ito rin yung same time na nag pray ako kay GOd ng buong puso...hehehe =) nakakatawang isipin sa isang araw na pagitan answered prayer ako...galing talaga ni GOD.... =) May 30, 2007...ito ang araw na unang nagtagpo ang aming mga landas...at ang lahat ay isa nang makulay, masalimuot, masayang, malungkot, mahirap, masarap, kakaibang karanasan...

May kalabuan nga, dahil...di ko agad nakita...

Will you come for me, when it rains?

2007-10-12T20:51:00.000-07:00

Earlier, the sun was shining brightly, I was cleaning the house, when my friend told me that she will be buying newspaper... A few minutes the weather changed and a strong rain come pouring down.. I suddenly thought of my friend who was outside.. It's raining and I know she cannot come back soon..

So I decided to fetch her not knowing where she is and not knowing if she might have come back. When she saw my face, she was already beaming, but from behind I heard his boyfriend's voice and he is also fetching her...

I thought, If I was the one who was left in the rain, If I was the one alone there waiting, will someone fetch me?????

About Last Night

2007-09-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Hehehe....sound like a rated R movie right.. but nooo... I am as wholesome ever. For the logest time that I was planning to go for jogging, it already became a reality...last night was like the launching date...

I started to warm up by doing brisk walking, then after 2 rounds, I started jogging...and before I can finish the two laps I was struggling... huhuhu =(

I do not know if it was because, I gained a lot of weight or is it becasue I am lazy. But my feet was dragging me, so I had to stop and try to do brisk walking again because my legs are already shouting in pain...hehehe =)

But I am determined to do it everyday until I loose those fats away from my body...ahahaha =P and have my six packs (is this the correct spelling?) So next time, when I will be dancing the pussycat dolls "beep" I wouldn't look like a ball bouncing...

Cheer me up guys to continue this regime

If he was a script.......

2007-09-24T01:43:00.000-07:00

if (i am in office && day != "Saturday" OR "Sunday")
{
printf("Get rid of other guys from talking to Earlene")
printf("Show affection to Earlene")
}
else
printf("Ignore Earlene")

endif;

Can any programmer help me to change this script? hehehe =P

I am Sorry

2007-09-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

I am sorry if now I am surrendering
I am sorry if now I choose to love myself more
I am sorry if now, I want to move on and leave you
I do not want my heart to be played by you

I am sorry if you didn't see I was hurting
I am sorry if I was too sensitive to feel that you are taking me for granted
I am sorry that your laughs and smiles will not heal the wounds that you have inflicted
I am sorry, if I thought you were true

I am sorry, but this time, I think I need to say goodbye to you...

Hating Kapatid

2007-09-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

Naalala ko nung mga bata pa kami ng mga kapatid ko, we are a brod of 5, tuwing may darating na mga imported chocolates..we would always say "hating kapatid" which means equal sharing...
Maybe that's where I was able to practice my multiplication and division... hehehe =)

Tuwing darating ang mommy ko na may dalang chocolate, aabot nya sa isa sa amin magkakapatid, and we would run like bees to their bee hive, then hahatiin nanamin sya..Last time..because we where still little most of us would be in the house and we would be all present while dividing the stuffs. But now, malalaki na kami, pag may mga chocolates na darating, di pa rin nawawala ang hating kapatid, pero may halo na syang gulangan...hehehehe =)

Sometimes, when we grow older, we forget the simple things we have when we were little. Like, we stand out for our siblings when someone hurt them. We side with them, and cheer them even they are the wimpiest players in the team. We hide our last candy, when someone gave us some, para ipasalubong sa ating mga kapatid...When they are sad, we would feel something's wrong and we try to make them laugh.. =)

I am now 30 and I thought, that age gap, distance and lack of communication, lessen the love we have for each other. But I was wrong, we still love each other...more....when I go home this October, I will bring them lots and lots of chocolates and definitely, you would hear them say... "Hating Kapatid, ha"....

=)

Tulog Na

2007-09-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

I remembered last time, they would joke me around and tell me, "When Earlene starts to lay on her back, count 1 to 4 and she will be asleep". Last time it was very easy..last time it was not a struggle to sleep....

Now, even when my body is too tired, rest does not haunt me easily at night...I would be staring at the ceiling, thinking...I would be staring until my head starts to ache....They say you start thinking about yourself, when I start thinking about myself, I get more head aches. It's true that it is easier to find solutions for other people, than for yourself....It it easier to give advises to your love ones, instead of your own...

I hope this sleepness nights will be over and I hope I find the answers soon.....

Writing Once Again

2007-09-13T00:31:00.001-07:00

I lost my touch in writing. I cannot write inspirational entries anymore. I was too occupied with something.

I want it back, I want to write again. I want to express myself freely. I want the words to overflow in my mind and create a good entry that will inspire me and inspire others. (taas ng pangarap)

I want to write again, that's all I wanted to do now

He was my Almost

2007-09-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

In the shadows of a dim light an image showed. Never realized what it was, but it gave comfort to the sadness that surrounds. Along the strips of the spaces, it filled out the nothingness and gave hoped. For a short time it gave color to my black and white.

Time passes quickly and it sure is a medicine for healing, a spoonful of love from people around, made it easier to swallow. Suddenly, I really do not know when it started, you are conveniently talking to me again. I do not want to think anymore, what is your reason, but surely it's a shock.

As I say, you hurt me once, shame on you. You hurt me twice, shame on me. You told me yesterday, you are used to be alone, nobody to care for you. Then as clear as sunlight in the morning, I understand. I was blessed to be surrounded by people who loves me. I was blessed to be included in other people's lives. I have a purpose, to love and share that warmth experience to other people.

As I was reading the BIBLE last night, I saw this entry. "Impaired Vision". The story goes that last time, there were no mirrors yet. People only look on shiny things and see their impaired vision, to see if they look good, if there is something wrong in their appearance.

Funny how we do not see the purpose of things when we are the ones experiencing it.It's like the impaired visions. We know we are looking at ourselves, but we only merely see it's beauty. As the entry ended, it gave a promise:

Someday, He'll make it plain to me
Someday, when His face I shall see
Someday, from tears, I shall be free
For someday, I will understand --Leech

Now, I may not understand what is happening, but I am thankful, and surely, later on I will understand, why he was my almost.

Mr. Shaifudin

2007-09-08T22:24:00.000-07:00

He was my mentor during the time I entered Singhealth. He was my mentor, during the transfer in the IBM building, teaching me patiently to learn billiards..He is still my mentor now, teaching me new things everytime...Don't think of him as an old man, actually he is not, I am much older than him (just do not base it on looks, cause I look much younger) ahahahahha =)

He also, introduced me into writing blogs. So, as an appreciation, I am writing a blog about him... =)

I never thought I would have a close friend, who is of different culture and race..Well, at times I can't still imagine how both of us communicate...but we did and I am happy about it...Of course, at first we were, divided by the high walls of expectations and uncertainty..but as time passes by and you have the eagerness to share a part of yourself to another person.. those barriers will surely crumble down.

I value our friendship, he still mentors me on some things like, how to cheat in billiards...hehehe =P how to overcome heat ache, how to read men,which I definitely would still not understand.. ahahaha =P

But this blog, is made, to express my thankfulness. Thank you, for trusting me, thank you for believing and me and accepting me as one of your friends....from the buttom of my heart...

Thanks, Din.....

Changes

2007-09-08T21:57:00.000-07:00

I always accept changes...because I know that changes is good for you..It helps you grow, understand and be more stronger than before...In short terms, it adds up to experience..

Recently, there was a mixture of happiness, sadness, questioning changes, happened to my LIFE. I would have been devastated, I would have cried alot, but I just thought and charged it to experience...

Questions still haunts me, but now I am brave enough to face it and try not to mind it..All the things happening in our lives, when we are not ready to face it, not ready yet to step forward, then stop for a while..embrace the chaos and always remember to love yourself more....TRUST in yourself that, one simple turn around can make it all better and you will never know, you will be standing again ready to face another CHALLENGE and another CHANGE....and sometimes, you might have not noticed it, you never moved at all but the people who loves you nudge you little by little to get out of the situation....I l0ve you guys.... mwaaahhhhh

DEEP

2007-08-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

Binocular

So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this is how you see
And this is how you breathe
Sometimes
I know
Sometimes
I go down deep
Oh

So this is what you mean
And this is how you feel
So this how you see
And this is how you breathe

Sometimes
I know
Sometimes
I go down deep
Oh

Beneath the deep blue sea
Touching every breath
All a slight off hand
For everything you left

Sometimes
I know
Sometimes
I go down deep
Oh

Sometimes
I give myself for you
Sometimes
I know down deep

Not So New Things

2007-08-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

The things I learned for any relationship to work:

1. Lots and lots of communication.
2. Acceptance
3. Compromise
4. Forgiveness
5. Understanding
6. Effort
7. You give
8. You should take
9. Trust
10 Faith

And most of all, be, his/her friend..a companion, in which, you can open up anthing..Where you are comfortable in saying, without thinking twice. Trusting that everything is still okey.. I will just be here next to you...dear friends...

Tuliro

2007-08-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Gusto ko sabihin nahihirapan na ako, napapagod, nagsisimula nanaman ako umiyak tuwing gabi...umiyak kasi nasasaktan ako....nasasaktan ako kasi di ko alam kung paano ko ba kukumbinsihin ang mga tao sa paligid ko?

Minsan gusto kita sisihin kasi di ka masalita, mas malimit, pinararamdam mo ang pagmamahal mo, sa pamamagitan ng mga gawa. Oo masaya ako run, dahil kung baga sa direct contact, ako lahat nakakasalo nun..Kung baga sa kasabihan na "action speaks louder than words" 3 points ka parati..."E" for effort meron ka rin naman, pero di ka nga lang talaga magsasalita ng kusa...Minsan rin iniisip ko mailap ka sa tao, kasi gusto mo lagi tayo lang dalawa magkasama.. tuloy naiisip ko baka di na tao tingin mo sa kin...hehehe (joke lang). Di lang nila nakikita alam ko na gusto mo gumawa ng effort rin para mapalapit sa kanila...Di mo kasi aakalain na mala artista itong nakuha mo...maraming connection at kakilala.. maraming nagmamahal....ang tagal mo kasi dumating eh...hehehe =P

Minsan gusto ko sisihin sarili ko, kasi naman itong puso ko tumibok nanaman ulit..itong puso ko pumayag na papasukin ka...Hinahayaan lang ba kita na ganyan ka...binubulag ko lang ba ang sarili ko at iniisip ko lang lahat ng ito? eh, bakit masaya tayong dalawa? Ang mga relasyon na nagsisimula, ayaw nga nila ng may nakikialam eh, dahil gumagawa sila ng mundo nila.. pero nga dahil artistahin itong naging GF mo, sorry no choice, maraming mag iisip na baka niloloko mo lang ako.. kasi mahal nila ako....ayaw nila ako masaktan...pero parang pagkain lang yan, paano ko malalaman kung tama na sa timpla o hindi pa kung di ko lakas loob na titikman, papakialaman para tumama ang lasa....??? haaayyy buhay....parang showbizness....

Gusto ko lang sabihin na kumapit ka lang ha, kasi kakapit rin ako...mag pray tayong dalawa ha..saka patuloy natin pasayahin ang bawat isa....kayanin natin ito...mabagal na mahirap na masaya....na parang dudugo na ilong ko sa hirap...nakakabaliw na rin minsan, aning na nga ata ako, kasi di ko ma alam kung ano gagawin ko...ito sinasabi ng puso ko, ito naman sinasabi ng utak ko...siguro nga mahirap mag mahal ng tapat kasi minsan di kapani paniwala.....Pero in due time...kaya natin yan....kahit masakit na ulo mo at tuliro na ako....KAPIT LANG TAYO....at ang mga nagmamahal sa atin, sila yung tinatawag na spices, kaya lalong sumasarap ang BUHAY.. salamat sa inyo....

How Do I Love Thee

2007-08-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

Every girl's wish is to see his night in shining armor. I stopped thinking about it, when I had my last heartache. I thought to myself maybe, I should stop wondering where is he and start just being happy about myself. If he is around, he would definitely find me...

Then you found me. In your eyes I was not invisible..You first saw me. for me, you are the answer from GOD. How would I know? I saw the signs..At first I did not notice and never even imagined. Because at that time I was busy enjoying myself. But I remembered my last prayer and I will always keep it here in my heart..It is a prayer between me and GOD..

I am happy, because we are starting slow but strong...I still have doubts and I still have questions..But I still pray..I still trust in GOD ..I trust in your words, I trust in your actions, I trust in your love...How do I love thee??? I love thee through faith and trust.. I love thee, even it is hard...hard because of the pressure we are facing...I do not know if you feel it, or you just choose to just trust in me as well. But I feel it..

We both have dreams we want to reach, both of us have different past, both still does not know much about each other and both sometimes is indifferent. We manage to make it through, one at a time..we are struggling to the process called "acceptance". But I know we are happy..

And this is my prayer, whatever, will come, let us face it together, and if this has to end let it end with still good memories..But if by God's will, we're still together...I will love thee till forever.... =)

Earlene
1:02 am
26/08/2007

I Could Not Ask For More

2007-08-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Artist: Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Chorus
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Chorus

I could not ask for more than the love you give me 'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more

What I Need Right Now

2007-08-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

What I need right now is some good company and lots of trust....Why did I say this???

For weeks, there has been great and leaping changes in my life. I tried to hide the fact that I am again dating and the that there might be something good in store for me in the near future...I do not know why but mainly because I only want my life to be private....But sometimes, you cannot hide the fact that even you want things to be just as simple as they can be, life by truth is a roller coaster ride and you are not alone doing the loops...hehehehe =)

I am ready for anything physically, mentally but if you asked me socially I am not ready...It's not that I am afraid, It's not that I do not have faith or it's not because I lack confidence...It's just that I do not want my life to be put in a fish bowl and everybody making it smaller and smaller everyday for me..

I went here to be free, to free myself from bondage from everybody. I want to see what I can do on my own without rules, boundaries or expectations...But life it is is really very complicated.....You cannot say life is simple, it's a BIG JOKE.... life can be equated to CHANGE....because if one refuse to change, he would die, die inside....because life breaths to fight to adjust...

I value friends and love ones, that is how I cope up with life changes...I learn to love what God provided and I am very bless to all He has given me....and if by faith, he gave me both.. love and career I will embrace it with open arms....My friend told me once Earlene, you get only one, be successful in your love life or be successful in your career....I know by GOD's grace I can have it all....heheehhhehehe =) In Jesus name.....

But if ever I cannot have both, I need these two things TRUST AND LOTS OF GOOD COMPANY....

Non -baked cheese cake

2007-08-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

My collegue Anna. earlier let us taste her none baked cheese cake and it is good...hehehehehe =) She also shared to me how to make them....

Prepare the base first:
1 pack of Khong Guan biscuit
1 block of buttercrush the biscuit and mixed with butterspread on 15cm aluminum container
Philadephia cheese
2 teaspoons of gelatine baking powderslices of pineapple / mango/strawberrymixed with milk , water, syrup(total amount of liquid is only ½ cup) and boiled .Pour into the container, Leave it to cool and put in fridge for 2-3 hrs or overnight

Actions Speak Louder than Words

2007-08-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would never say this words again. But here I am, confused and lost... Does action speak louder than words???

Some people love it when, they see something happening and see results with their own two eyes. They want something that is visible and something they can touch. Some would want it in terms of a promise or a "I take your word on that" thing...Is it enough that you feel it? or Is is enough you just hear it? Or you need both..???

My friend told me, that she knows a friend, whose boyfriend would say "i love you" but always hurt her phsically but she says the boyfriend says sorry afterwards... (what the @$@##$#!!!). Now I my friend is in a situation... that she sees action..and if she based the actions as a tool to measure the relationship...definitely, She would say, the other person likes her....Then I got confused....haiizzz.....

In a relationship, what does really matter? Is it the actions or the words?

Bestfriends

2007-08-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Ocean's 13 and suddenly, I missed my bestfriend. The story was quite nice and better than Ocean's 12, but what I noticed in the movie was the complete TRUST and LOVE for one another of this 11 guys.

The team is lead by Danny Ocean and his right hand Rusty. Watching them suddenly gets me to the mood of missing my bestfriend. Alelie as the one who pushed me to try Singapore. She was the one who helped me slowly cope up with the culture shock, the sadness and the changes in my life. Though slow but quite good, because, where I am now, I can say, I have fully bloomed in this country of opportunity.

I suddenly missed her, I missed our night talks, our giggles and long talks at night. I missed her son and daughter who I truly treasure as my own as well. I missed Papa Boms, who would always make me feel I am part of the family..I truly missed them...

Everytime I would call, she would patiently listen. Whenever I need help, she would not hesitate. Each step I take she would be there and I truly am thankful for that...I have not been seeing her for quite sometime and I really would want to have those moments again...She has shown me unconditional love...and in return I am doing that to other people I connect to, to let them feel that once in my life, I as also helpless, a wanderer, but because MY BESTFRIEND was there, I found home where I am now...

I miss you, Alempot mmwaahh =)

Someone's Watching Over Me

2007-08-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hilary Duff

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
Took this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me

Kontento

2007-08-17T03:12:00.000-07:00

Dati akala ko madali ako makontento.. Pero nito lang, naisip ko wala ako kakontentuhan..,, dati nung nakita kita..natawa lang ako naisip ko, di magkakagusto ang tipo ng lalaki na ito sakin. Pero napansin mo ako...Sabi ko sana, kahit kaibigan lang...okey na ako..Pero ito ako ngayon, higit pa sa kaibigan turing mo sakin, pero nag hahanap pa rin ako...Wala nga ako kakontentuhan...???

Pinanalangin na kita, dapat nagtitiwala ako sa Maykapal..Alam ko ikaw ang binigay nya sakin...Bakit pa ako magdadalawang isip? Bakit pa ako, mawawalan ng tiwala? Dapat akong manatili kung san ako nakatayo at patuloy na ipanalangin na sana makontento ako at hayaang si GOD and mag guide ng buhay natin...=)

So Near Yet So Far

2007-08-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

Sabi ng kaibigan ko kailangan na raw nya ng salbabida kasi nalulunod na sya. Ako rin raw tingin nya kailangan ko na. Sabi ko nagtatmpisaw pa lang ako sa dalampasigan, sya nasa laot na. Di ko pa kailangan ng salbabida.... =)

Parang nung kailan lang yun, naaalala ko, nasa MRT station kaming tatlo. Sabi ko sa kanila binigyan nya number nya sakin at in return gusto ko naman sya i text. Sabi nila oo sige text mo, matapos ang pag cocompose ng mga salitang dapat raw eh nasa pamatayan na "safe sms message" (ibig sabihin, di needy ang dating, di desperate, di rin friendly, at higit sa lahat dating ng interested) langya ang hirap noh...nagpadala kami ng sms message. Nakakatuwa na nakakathrill kasi sumagot lang sya nung malapit na bumaba yung dalawang kaibigan ko at left alone ako na nag iisip ng mga words to choose para ma contruct ang aking mga sagot...

Dun nagsimula yun eh, dun lang...pero tingin ko bago ko pa man napansin ka, napansin mo na ako...bakit mo ba bibigay ang number mo sakin kung di mo gusto na i text kita... =P (sabi ng Konsensya ko, "Earlene are you convincing him or are you convincing yourself?) "Consicience, Shut up" ahhaahahha =P

Masasabi ko lang, tama lang na naglakas loob ako ng mga oras na yun, di na importante kung ako nauna o ikaw ang nakapansin, ang importante masaya tayo dalawa ngayon. Basta alam ko masaya ako sa piling mo, ikaw masaya ka ba? Kita ko naman sa mga ngiti mo....Mamaya na lang siguro tanungin kita...see you later... =P

Pasta Makes Me Dizzy

2007-08-06T17:13:00.000-07:00

I really do not know what's with Pasta, it makes me sick. Everytime, I get to have pasta as my meal, Before I can finish my plate, I can see stars flying...At first I thought it was just tomato sauce and cheese, But I also get dizzy when eating carbonara... =(

I really do not know the reason why, maybe it's the noodles? or maybe the cheese? But until now, It's uncertain why Pasta makes me dizzy =(

More Than Meets the Eye

2007-08-06T00:17:00.001-07:00

I was not able to catch the Transformers at the big screen. But I really want to watch the movie based from the reactions and comments of my office collegues. Last night we were able to see the magnificent movie. All I can say was that I was awed...I fell instantly inlove with the robots..ahahaha =P

My collegue (Ida) was right, you will never look at automobiles the same way again...The effects was so cool, and the fight scenes were amazing..The director was able to put up a funny fiasco as well..hehehe =)

When I was little my brothers and I would be stuck on the television watching transformers and I really love it..Instead of combing my barbie's hair and play with them. I am in front of the TV, fighting with my brothers to get the best seat in the living room..

Truly the movie was more than meets the eye and I hope there would be a part 2...

The Best Things in Life are Free

2007-08-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

Good Song and Good meanig as well. Truly the best things in life are free...

1. The warmth of someone who cares

2. The laughter of love ones

3. Reunions

4. Letting go and Moving on

5. Respect

6. Love reciprocated

7. A tight hug. when you're down.

8. A smile from a stranger

9. Friends (Old and New)

10.Family

11.Eternal Life

12.Appreciation

13.Courage drawn from failure

14.Quality Time

15.Elders advise

16. Understanding

I can go on forever and ever....=)

As Years Go By

2007-07-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Early morning, my friend and I had to catch a taxi to reach early in the office. While chatting inside the cab, I told her, I am noticing that my fingers are showing ageing...The lines are showing and I suddenly feel that I am now getting older. Then she smiled at me and told me, you are beautiful and still young at heart...

My birthday's coming this September and I am turning 30 and to tell you the truth,I really do not feel like I am going that age. I enjoy my life and try to seize the day and see the positive things it has instore for me...But of course, there are times, I feel down and lonely and ugly. But I never let it stop me from enjoying life...

I try to be thankful for the little things. Like good food on the table, a day's hard work, to be beside him, to see my friends happy, talking to my family and knowing we still survive the day...The good health of my love ones.

Today is the first day of the month of AUGUST and I EXPRESS MY THANKFULNESS to GOD

You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of need
You are the hope that leads me on and brings me to my knees
For there I find you waiting and there I find release
So with all my heart I worship and unto You I sing

For You alone, deserves all glory
For You alone, deserves all praise
Father, we worship and adore you
Father, we long to seek Your face
Father, we love you and we offer you THIS DAY...

Thank you, Lord =)

ARTISTAHIN

2007-07-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

Kung iyong iisipin para rin pala tayong mga Artistahin. Let me count the ways:

1. Pag pasok mo, kahit may problema ka, haharapin mo lahat ng kasama mo with a big smile, kahit naiiyak ka na sa sakit nang nararamdaman mo(kung hindi mahalata ka nila na may problema ka)

2. Kailangan mo i-hurno ang iyong kakayahan. Aba, dapat daw flexible ka.parang artista di lang pang drama dapat kaya rin magpatawa...

3. Lahat ng tao gusto mag diet, magpa puti, magpaunat ng buhok, maging in sa uso..Kailangan lagi updated sa fashion

4. Napipisil ka rin ng ibang department, company or ibang network..lalo na kung magaling ka at after nun pwede ka na mag demand ng talent fee este sweldo pala

5. Bawal pakita ang tunay mo na nararamdaman kungdi unprofessional ka.

6. Pag nalalate parati at di ang peperform ng maayos, masusupend ka..ahahha =P

7. Kailangan humakot ng awards, pang dagdag yun sa iyong qualifications as a good actor/actress. Ano ba yan? empleyado pala...

8. May mga loveteam rin na nabubuo sa office..yyihiii (san na ka love team ko?)

9. Meron ka rin tinatawag na manager..(yesss)

10. Aba, pinag tsisismisan ka rin minsan at nakakarinig ng mga blind item di ba? (Artista nga) - pag huli ka sa balita, it's either wala ka pakialam sa mundo or ikaw ang pinag uusapan nila...ahahaha =P

Napatunayan ko na ang pagaartista ay isa rin palang propesyon na dapat pangalagaan at lahat pala tayo ay nasa mundo rin ng SHOWBIZNESS...

Earlene reporting...thank you for my sponsors..GAP for my perfume...Petit Monde and G2000 for my clothes and Mine's Salon for my Hair... =P

Hurting Inside

2007-07-29T21:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I watched Harry Potter with friends. During the coarse of the film, I suddenly feel remorse. I thought I was also feeling what Harry was feeling... The feeling of loneliness. The feeling of missing someone, that they are just near you, but seems, you are not able or due to some circumstances, you need to not let it show. Haiizzz..

Sometimes, when you look at a situation, each person has a way of interpreting what is happening. Because we are ruled by our emotions, and governed by our thoughts. Sometimes, what is the strongest will prevail and you will see the reaction based on what they are feeling at the moment.
I really liked the movie. It had reached my expectation. I felt Harry's pain, he is really a good actor. He has furnished what he had and also, made it on his own...

As a conclusion, I am also hurting inside. Hurting because, there is something I really want to do, but due to some circumstances, it hinders me from acting on it. This should be accomplished, for me not to get hurt in the long run. So hurt myself in the process....Ahaha =) Where did that thinking came from???

I am praying for it..Because I know I have found it and it has found me...I know that it is the answer to my prayers. I just have to believe and hope..but expect the worse as well....

Earlene Gonzales
Monday
29/07/2007
12:38

Free Hour

2007-07-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

My collegue sent us a message during the morning for us to read and enjoy:

"The moment you are in TENSION>You will lose your ATTENTION>Then you are in total CONFUSION>and you'll feel IRRITATION>This may spoil your personal RELATIONS>Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION>And get things into COMPLICATION>Then you may raise CAUTION>And you have to take MEDICATION>Why not try understanding the SITUATION>And try to think about the SOLUTION>Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION>Which will work out better in your PROFESSION>Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION>It is only for your PREVENTION>If you understand my INTENTION>You'll never come again into TENSION!"

and this is my reply:

But right now we are in DEPRESSION of user's INTERROGATION....so do not put us in CONFUSION just treat us for a LUNCHEON =P

SECRET OF HAPPINESS

2007-07-25T21:27:00.001-07:00

What is the secret of happiness? I found the answer in my home. The WALL says BE STRONG, the CEILING says AIM HIGH, the DOOR says BE OPEN, the WINDOW says LEARN TO GIVE & TAKE, the CLOCK says TIME IS GOLD, the CALENDAR says LOVE EVERYDAY as if it is the last day, the CABINET says KEEP THINGS IN ORDER, the BED says TAKE TIME TO RELAX, the LAMP says BE THE LIGHT, And GOD, who is found everywhere in my house says KEEP THE FAITH!! HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!

Without "JESUS" days are "Mournday," "Tearsday," "Wasteday," "Thristday," "Fightday," "Shatterday, and "Sinday." So allow HIM to be with you everyday!!

Got problems? God uses problems to ......
..... direct you
..... inspect you
..... correct you
..... protect you
..... perfect you
Have a positive perspective in facing your problems. Always pray. God is there for you always!!!!

My mom gave me this message....I really miss them and truly as the message speaks off, I also found my happiness at my own HOME...thank you mom and dad....I miss you all!!!

Family

2007-07-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, my bestfriend has a Birthday bash for her son. It was Karl Alfred's first birthday...I admire her, not only from her strength but her willingness to give out happiness not only to her self but to the people around her.
The night before the birthday, I was there to help out. I love seeing her and her husband cook and be busy in the kitchen whipping up delicious dishes.... yummmmyyy.... =P
They say marriage is like cooking, you try to experiment and see which one would give out the best taste. As I see them, though quiet and sometimes shouting at each other maybe due to exhaustion, I can feel their satisfaction and excitement...I even joked his husband, I will find a guy who is like you..You're so quiet but I know you love my bestfriend so much..Where arth though ROMEO?? hehehehe =) He would joke and say, "guys like me comes one in a lifetime" hehehe =)
Well, the party was a blast, the people were happy.... Filipinos, when we do birthday parties, it like a reunion. Reunion of friends, love ones and spending of quality time with the people most important in your lives.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KARL and JOJO

JACKPOT????

2007-07-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

Naalala ko dati pag tinatanong ako kung bakit wala pa ako boyfriend..Sasagot ko lang kasi wala pa yung ibibigay ni GOD sa akin. Lagi naman nila sagot, "Ang bait mo naman, bakit kaya wala pa sya?" Sasagot ko naman: "Siguro mala anghel sya"
Dumadating sa point na, nasasaktan na ako, pero patuloy pa rin ako umaasa na darating sya...Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kung di man ako bigyan ng Diyos ng partner, may dahilan..at kung ano man yun dapat akong maging mapagpasalamat pa rin..
Pero, ang puso habang tumitibok, nagmamahal...Maraming beses na ako nasaktan, umiyak, pero di ko pinagsisihan ang lahat. Sa bawat pagpatak ng luha, iniisip ko di yun ang pinili ng Diyos para sakin. Ako lang ang makulit, di ako nagiging pasensyosa...
Sa huling drama ng buhay ko na tinalo ko pa mga dramatic actresses sa pag iyak, sabi ko sa sarili ko magiging matatag na ako...(Lagi naman eh) Sa mga panahon na yun, nakita ko ang mga taong tunay na nagmamahal at nagmamalasakit sakin... Nakita ko na marami pala ang nakapaligid sa kin na tunay na nagmamahal sakin...
Sa ngayon, masasabi ko na masaya ako.. Hinahayaan ko lang na mangyari ang lahat..Sa mga panahon ngayon, maganda naman ang mga nangyayari...Sana tuloy tuloy na ito..sana forever...
Ganun naman talaga eh? Patuloy na umasa at patuloy na magmahal, malay natin di ba, sa pagkakataong ito nakajackpot na ako... =)

Conclusyon

2007-07-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Ang mansanas ni Doreen, ngayo'y nasa salad na...Kaya nawalan na ng bisa and gayuma..Pero si Allan, ayun Haliparot pa rin...ahahhaa =P

Si Haliparot na Allan at ang Mansanas ni Doreen

2007-07-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Nagsimula ang lahat sa server room. Nagtama ang kanilang mata, nanglilisik. Miss na kasi ni Doreen and mga alaga nyang mga kuneho..Sa unang pagkikita, ma spark na, parang flickering effect ng monitor pag nasisira.

By nature, Haliparot talaga si Allan, sa mga tingin nya na pailalim, nahikayat si Doreen na pagdalhan sya ng mga pagkain. Nung una parang pabalibag nya inihagis kay Allan ang tinapay, pero tinanggap yun ni Allan ng buong puso..

Kagabi, pag uwi ni Allan, pinakita nya kung paano sya i shower ng pagkain ni Doreen. May Mansanas, candy at kung ano ano pa....Takot hawakan o kagatan ng mga kasama ni Allan ang mansanas, baka kasi ito ay may gayuma...

Abangan sa susunod.....Sino ang magtatangkang timikim ng Mansanas ni Doreen

Paano?

2007-07-09T20:47:00.001-07:00

Bigla na lang dumating ka. Parang napapangiti mo ako pag nakikita kita. Siguro dun nagsimula yun. Ewan ko kung ano meron ka..di naman tayo ang uusap nung una, pero natuwa ako na nakita kita..

Di plano, nagkakilala tayo, siguro, nararamdaman mo rin yung nararamdaman ko..Sa ngayon, ayoko mag isip ng kung ano ano..basta masasabi ko lang salamat at napapasaya mo ako.. Kung paano...? ngiti na lang ang mabibigay ko =)

2007-07-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

Long Weekend

I moved to our new house last Saturday. Date: 07/07/07. Time: 11:00 am. All I can say, it was tiring, but fullfilling. From the time we arrived, we started cleaning and fixing the house. Until, Sunday we still clean and clean until our feet sore. -- The result was very satisfactory...

Sleeping was another problem, it's very hard to sleep to a new place and even I am so tired, I keep waking up every now and then..We are adjusting and coping to the new house. No Television for the meantime, we have to sacrifice a little. All you will hear in the house is the radio playing and lots of laughter...=)

Singlehood is such a happy experience. You get to know yourself better. You get to notice your capabilities and and you can challange yourself to be better..Next plan is house warming.. =)

Cleanse Me

2007-07-05T20:59:00.001-07:00

I remembered I saw a butcher carefully cleans the meat in front of him. He skillfully takes off the fat surrounding the meat and debones the flesh. I admire his dedication in his work. His work is not an easy job; it is very messy for one and second it takes lots and lots of energy to finish one meat..But he is so patient and he seems so happy in his job.

Some of us, we do not like our job. We always complain of the difficulties we faced everyday. We complain that we cannot cope up with the workload. Our job sucks and sometimes we also say that we are just not happy..I would not exempt myself.. of course, I am a complainer also..But when I saw the butcher that day..It reminded me of how blessed I am as well. Of having to be placed in an air-conditioned room all day..Have friends to see each morning and maybe not all day, but there are times; I go home happy, satisfied and content that I have done my duties wisely.

Thank you LORD, for the work you have placed me into.. Thank you for helping me see that life should be experienced, life should be felt and life should be lived.....

CHANGE

2007-07-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone to see if you can survive. To test yourself how strong you are. To challenge your own capabilities and strengths....

This week I will transfer houses. I suddenly miss my best friend; she is my shoulder in times of need. She has been more than a best friend but a sister during the challenges I face here in Singapore. She was there all along. Protecting me and keeping me safe. They say, in our Barkada, I was the most fragile one. Walang alam sa tunay na mundo..

I suddenly miss all of them, my family, my friends in the Philippines, my church..My home....I suddenly was faced by the fact that there are so many problems surrounding me. I suddenly feel afraid...

Coming out of my shell is very hard. I am a very sentimental person. I am a person who is easily contented. I try not to be hopeful of things that are impossible to reach, but I still act on things that can be done. I value NOW, not what is COMING. I respect my PAST to cherish my PRESENT.

Right now, even closing my eyes, I can remember their faces. haizzz.....I suddenly really miss them badly...

Suntok sa Buwan

2007-06-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio as I alight the MRT station today. The song I was listening to...

HomeDaughtry

Be careful what you wish for,'Cause you just might get it all.You just might get it all,And then some you don't want.Be careful what you wish for,'Cause you just might get it all.You just might get it all, yeah.

While going down the escalator, there he was, walking...I smiled, but he did not see me...hhmmmm...maybe next time...

Approaching 30

2007-06-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

In a couple of months I will be ending my late 20's age and will enter to the early 30's.. ahahaa ano pinagka
iba...??? How was I from the time I based from 10 years ago?

Last 1997, I was still a student. I really do not remember, where I celebrated my birthday. Maybe at the
house with friends, that is how I usually celebrate my birthdays anyway.

1. That time, no money to spend, only my allowances (meron ba ako nun?) to save. But now, I get to budget my own money... (Waahh.. I miss being a student)
2. I normally would have problems, studying for an exam, reports that have to be done and preparing for defense.Now, problems with even the small things in life (kasi nga, matured na..)
3. That time, watching movies was hard, because, I do not have money and time (lahat sa aral) need to prioritize my studies. Now, I have money to watch movies (movie, anyone?)
4.That time medyo baduy pa ako, wala kasi ako pambili ng damit, the things I have, I wear...yuck.. you wouldn't want to see me during my college days...
5. Back then, I am so thin. Around, 90 pounds not because walang makain, but because pressured sa studies. Now, I am more than a 100 pounds, pressured pa rin, pero, I get to munch on my problems...sabi kasi ng dad ko kainin raw ang problema at wag mag pakain sa problema eh, nanaba tuloy ako...wahahha =D
6. I get to enjoy things, like reading, dati, I hate it, it's only when there are exams that I read...I hate numbers..but now I enjoy Soduko..
7. That time I was not close to my dad, but now, parang I cannot live my life without him. He is my constant advisor and my number one fan sa aking lahat ng endeavors.
8. Sabi nila I still look like I am 24..ahaha =D last time, I look like a high school student...innocent look..

Time passes so fast, sometimes you would not even notice the little things anymore...But I am grateful to have been blessed with another decade in my life..drama.. sniff sniff....Still young, still single, and brave to face
all the things life is in store for me!!!

Si GOD at AKO

2007-06-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

Sa mga oras na ito, aaminin ko, minsan na lang ako tumawag sa iyo. May mga oras na sa sobrang pagod ko nalilimutan ko na alalahanin ka. Alam ko mali yun, alam ko na di ko dapat ginagawa yun, kasi alam ko naman na lahat ng meron ako ngayon galing sa Iyo..

Naalala ko tuloy nung bago ako pumunta rito, isa lang hiniling ko sa iyo, na makapag trabaho ako rito at maranansan ko ang mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang pamilya ko. Pero masyado ko na ata na focus ang attensyon ko sa sarili ko...

Gusto ko humingi ng tawad, dahil nalayo na ako sa aking mga unang plano. Sabi ko sa iyo nun 2 taon, sa dalawang taon ikaw na bahala sakin. Kung san ako papunta, kung san ako pupulutin magtitiwala ako sa iyo. At pagkatapos ng dalawang taon, Ikaw ang magdedesisyon kung san talaga ang aking tadhana...

Ilang buwan na lang, March 2008, 8 months..ilang araw na lang yun...What is instore for me? Sabi ng daddy ko kagabi nung greet ko sya ng HAPPY FATHER's DAY!!! kamusta na raw ang aking spiritual life. di ako makasagot...

Nakalimutan ko nga rin pala.. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.....

Esmuskee

2007-06-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

Ayan ka nanaman. napapangiti ka, napapasaya ka nya, kahit wala sya ginagawa sa iyo. Napapa glow nya ang mga mata mo, naboboost nya ang confidence mo.

Wag ka nga masyado mag isip. Masama yan sa kalusugan mo..kasi pag nag iisip ka, di na kamakain.. nagkaka pimples ka pa..ano yan parang symptoms ng inlove. naka ngiti pa kahit mag isa.. ang tindi ng tama mo..

Basta paalala enjoy mo lang yung moment. Seize it, sabi nga nila..Maganda yang kahit paano may insipirasyon ka..sa bilis ng takbo ng buhay mo ngayon, nagagawa mo pa rin tumawa at sabihin na maganda pala talaga ako =)

Random Thinking

2007-06-08T18:30:00.001-07:00

rocky road ice cream, chocolate cake, menudo, kaldereta, sinigang ng mommy ko, adobo ni nanay ason, tambay sa roof top nina karol, sumiksik sa higaan ni annie, lumabas at manood ng sine kasama ang corners, panahon ng mga pangarap with sanidras, sauna, spa, tulips, wanton noodles, greenwich pizza, peach mango pie, palabok, pancit malabon ng goldilocks, maganda ako, sana makapagtravel ako, hongkong disney land, matulog, GAP dream, Singapore Sale, tambay sa bahay kasama pamilya ko, pinas, chocolate, sgh mailbox, si *****, si *****, hehhehe =), parehas pala sila 5 letters ang name, ang corny ko, umuwi, kama ko, tangahalian, magbabad sa shower, tawa ng dady ko, pagdating ng mga naglalako ng merienda sa bahay namin, tahol ni liit, tunog ng cellphone ni ecats, pang aasar ni edward, and sirang damit ni kuya na favorite nyang pambahay, lambingan nina mami at daddy, ang pizza na pasalubong ni elmer, umuuwi na kaya sya ng mas madalas sa bahay?, ngiti mo, boses mo, si shaui may date kaya ngayon?, tambay kina jell?, pumasok sa lunes?, maglakwastsa, pagdating nina leslie mamaya, tawa ni nilo, kanta ni jorge, mga pasalubong n paborito namin ayon kay tess, ang paglaki ng tyan ni dag at ni alelie, magpa manicure at pedicure kay ate tess, kamustahin si jr, pagiisip kay ******* ano na kaya ang yari sa kanya, mga gusto ko pa marating, mga kasama ko sa trabaho, si gracia, ang utang ko sa mga kaibigan ko, ano kaya tanghalian mamaya?, gusto ko na umuwi, itigil na muna ang mahabang listahan na ito.. the end =)

Soduko Challenge

2007-06-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

General Information about Soduko

Soduko is probably the puzzle game that has risen the fastest in popularity these past few years. Its roots go back to the ancient times. Of course it didn't have the exact same form as it has now. However, most people believe that Magic square that is a game going back almost 5000 years and Latin squares are the ancestors of sudoku.

The game of soduko in its current form was first created in the seventies but with a different name (Number Place) and was actually invented in the USA, contrary to the popular belief that it is a Japanese game. Nonetheless it didn't become popular at that time at least in the Western world. The journey of soduko continues to Japan where it gets the name that we use today by the Japanese puzzle company Niccoli.

Soduko arrives in Europe several years after in 2004 and it become an instant success and all major newspapers in the UK start publishing daily soduko puzzles. It didn't take long for this new craze to cross the Atlantic and reach its home. This time Number Place with its new name becomes extremely popular and is probably today one of the most popular puzzle games (If not the most popular). Its popularity is evident simply from the fact that dozens of variations of soduko have been created within a very short amount of time.<. The main appeal of the soduko puzzle is that they are solely based on logic. No math, knowledge or anything else is required to solve a soduko puzzle just plain, pure logic. Of course not all soduko puzzles are the same. Difficulty levels vary from easy to impossible.

= = = = = = =

I would see this game on the newspaper everyday and my friend Allan would take his time just to answer the puzzle. I never manage see the logic of the game even when it was Bob's time to teach me..One day, because of curiosity, I started solving the puzzle and patience and perseverance was paid..I was able to solve an easy puzzle.

Life is like Soduko; you look at the boxes and think they do not make any sense. Why are these random numbers put there? What is their purpose? But if you look closely and try to solve it, all of them are connected. All of the numbers are scattered clues to which will be your next move and eventually if you look hard enough and challenge yourself, you'll see a satisfying result and it is solving the puzzle.

Of course at first, there might be erasures, mistakes. You may also choose to stop and throw the newspaper away, but what the heck, if you try a little bit more, maybe you can do it..And if all things failed, you can call a friend for help, that's what I do, if I cannot solve the puzzle anymore. hehehe =)

I see life like that, we may choose to just surrender or choose to challenge ourselves, to see how far we can go, how far we can stay on the path to reach our goal. I am not a strong person, but I thank God for always been patient with me, providing me friends and love ones, guiding me even when I go astray..

So are you ready for the Soduko Challenge =)

Aaahh.... Uuuummmm....

2007-06-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

Lately, napapansin ko na di na ako ganun kabilis makapag isip para mag contruct ng mga sentences in English, feeling ko, nabobo na ako..Dahil ba ito sa dami ng trabaho ko ngayon? Dahil ba sa stress? Dahil ba sa mga tao na nakakausap ko? Isa lang alam ko, ayoko lumalala pa ito...need to put a stop to this, I need improvement..

Last Men Standing

2007-06-07T03:45:00.000-07:00

Naalala ko last time nung nagka run kami ng diskusyong ng isa kong kaibigan, sabi nya "Earlene, akala ko ba sinasabi mo na understanding ka.." Pero sa pagkakataong ng mga oras na yun, na semplang nya ako at inamin ko naman na sa mga oras na yun di ako understanding...

Last few days, sobrang busy ng trabaho, alam ko naman at naiintindihan ko sila. Natutuwa pa nga ako kasi I am seeing my worth. I can say that I have gone a long way from the time I entered my account and from then on, I learned to love the people and my work as well. naks...

Sobrang, daming trabaho talaga, na miss ko ang mga quality time ko with my family and friends through YM. Kasi pag na iistress ako I just give them a "buzz" magsasagutan na ang mga yun. Miss na miss ko na sila...miss na miss ko na rin ang mag blog..sa mga oras na ito parang dalawang araw na na Saturday shift. Ibig sabihin half lang kami tauhan ang nakakapasok. Siguro kasi sa paiba ibang klima.

I miss going out...I miss having the quiet times...hehehe =) Wala na oras para makapag muni muni..Haiizzz....
Sabi s isang article sa Today news paper kahapon, "one thing at a time please" -- basahin nyo na lang ang article maganda sya....ayun naman pala, may chance pa magbasa ng dyaryo =)

http://www.todayonline.com/pdf_main.asp?pubdate=20070606

Dad

2007-06-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

Time is running so fast, last time I was only a child, asking you for chocolates and milk. Always depending on you, for my needs. I cry when a mosquito bit me, or even I get wound on my knees.

Back then, I don't understand you, thinking that you were just being "mahigpit". I build a wall and it gets higher everyday, when I was in high school. You always tell me, to listen to you, and I will know that it's for my own good when I got older. But I never did listen, instead, the gap widens. But you try to bridge the gap, by trying to explain to me things.

I remembered, one day you told me, that you loved me and you only want what's good for me. As I grew older, I started to understand, why you were like that in the past.

Thank you, for being patient, for being so kind. I will always remember the time you would wake me up just to make sure I wouldn’t get late from school. You slept at my side when I get sick, tucking me up on my bed. You forced me into reading than watching TV. hehehe =) Best of all, you taught me contentment and understanding that life is what we make it...

I love you dad and I am thankful everyday from GOD, because HE gave me you...

Inspired to write

2007-06-01T23:31:00.000-07:00

I will always remember the time when I was in Elementary when we were asked to write down a composition about out school vacation. I think that was during grade 2. Sabi ni Ms. Lealee, sumulat raw kami ng 4 paragraph composition kung ano ginawa namin last summer vacation. As a child, masyado ako mahiyain, I lack confidence and also self esteem. But I never stopped from being the best I can, to make my love ones happy. Ironic noh, hehee =)

My dad and my mamang doesn't have a good relationship back then. So my mom and dad would always fight where to send their children to spend summer vacation. Si mamang (mom's mother) lives in Manila (Pasay City) on the other hand, my dad's father lives in the mountains (sa bundok ng Binangonan, Rizal sa may isla). Most of the time si mommy ang nanalo, maybe my dad loves my mom more, or he just cannot stand my mom's nagging. 2 weeks would be spend with my mamang and papang then, 2 to 3 days stay with my lolo. My lola died when I was still a kid, so wala ako masyado memories of her.

Ms. Lealee, would always ask us to read our compositions in front of class. Kaya, most of us would really make it a point the our compisitions are polished and has good story lines. Then when she hands us back the compositions, she would have comments about it. I would always remember those days, because, she was the one who inspired us to express ourselves through writing. And to be frank, if I was not asked to make a composition then to tell something about my last summer vacation, then I would have not enjoyed or even come to my mind of composing blogs... = ) Thanks, Ms Lealee