We were having our normal conversation when the dreaded EX came to the topic. He said "You will always have a part of your heart for him". "If he choose to come back, you will choose him over me..."., while saying this words he is pointing to my heart. I never mention my ex to him, its too painful to remember. I reassured him, he wont come back and I won't choose him over what I have right now, but Nik said he will understand, because he knows whereever my EX is, he will also have a piece of his heart that belongs to only me and Ellyce.
I know it crushes him to know he was never the first. What is it with Ex's anyway, that make the current one scared sometimes? Will the past crush the present? Will it hinder the future? Will the ghost of the past haunt when you are almost at your happily ever after stage?
I really can't say what the future holds. I only can fathom its existance and I know it will be beyond my control. But I have to try to concentrate what I have now rather that what lies ahead. I am thankful of GOD's gift of love and forgiveness.. GOD's plans are not ours and I know HE knows better. Will we cross path again? or never? All I can say nobody was never ready...all will be in HIS perfect time.
As we finish the dreaded conversation about the EX, I told him, "you know what I like about you, you always ask what I want and always ask what I am thinking" It means, I am important. He values what I have to say and I know I have a man for keeps. Thank you Lord for another chance and I pray that the next EX will be my husband...
Friday, December 13, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
DREAM
I once had a dream when I went here in Singapore. I wanted to run away, and start a new life. I left Philippines bankrupt. I told myself I do not want t hat to happen to me. I wanted to have financial freedom.
Fast forward 7 years here in Singapore, and I am on the same situation, still wishing for financial freedom. This time, it has more weight cause I am a single mom to a pretty smart girl. The question suddenly popped to my head and never stopped me thinking, "When will I have financial freedom?"
So I went home, asked my mom, "When did you retire?" She said 2005, she was 42 years old. My mom has a pride of a giant she will never admit it, she stopped working when I started earning. At a young age 22, I was the bread winner. I never experienced a time in my entire career, that I never made a budget. I'd always calculate, every month because I needed to know what bills to pay. Every year it is worst. This year I tell you, it hit me rock bottom. When you are in a financial crisis, even your family wont help you, they have thier own things to settle, that is for my case.
I needed to give an an answer to my question, "When will I have financial freedom?" My answer is 42 like my mom. Let's face reality, who would take you for a job, when you are 42? Younger people are faster, smarter and paid lesser. I have been there, thats why I know. I want financial freedom for my daughter. I do not want the same thing that my parents did to us siblings. They literally relied on us. You don't have kids because in the future you want them to work for you. You want kids because you want your legacy to continue.
I want financial freedom, and an opportunity knock. I am not sure if it will succeed, but I will try. I talk to my mom, and since she is satisfied with her life, cause who would not be, getting what you want without hardwork? I don't want that to happen when Ellyce grows up. I want her to go to the school she wanted and have a happy life and not worrying how can she make a living for her mom to survive. I want to stop worrying how can I pay my debts. I want to stop worrying which bank can I loan or which friend can I borrow money from. I want to risk and take this chance.
Last Sunday, the speaker quote us one of Steve Jobs lines: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Let me end it with this story, my child wanted to go to disneyland because she wants to see the princesses. I want to make her wish come true. right now, I do not see myself granting her wish, because I am in debt to almost all my friends and 5 banks here in Singapore. So I want to grab this chance and one time opportunity. I want to grant her her wish.
Lord, guide me and teach me....Lord, if this is Your will, let no one or nothing stand in my way. Amen.
Fast forward 7 years here in Singapore, and I am on the same situation, still wishing for financial freedom. This time, it has more weight cause I am a single mom to a pretty smart girl. The question suddenly popped to my head and never stopped me thinking, "When will I have financial freedom?"
So I went home, asked my mom, "When did you retire?" She said 2005, she was 42 years old. My mom has a pride of a giant she will never admit it, she stopped working when I started earning. At a young age 22, I was the bread winner. I never experienced a time in my entire career, that I never made a budget. I'd always calculate, every month because I needed to know what bills to pay. Every year it is worst. This year I tell you, it hit me rock bottom. When you are in a financial crisis, even your family wont help you, they have thier own things to settle, that is for my case.
I needed to give an an answer to my question, "When will I have financial freedom?" My answer is 42 like my mom. Let's face reality, who would take you for a job, when you are 42? Younger people are faster, smarter and paid lesser. I have been there, thats why I know. I want financial freedom for my daughter. I do not want the same thing that my parents did to us siblings. They literally relied on us. You don't have kids because in the future you want them to work for you. You want kids because you want your legacy to continue.
I want financial freedom, and an opportunity knock. I am not sure if it will succeed, but I will try. I talk to my mom, and since she is satisfied with her life, cause who would not be, getting what you want without hardwork? I don't want that to happen when Ellyce grows up. I want her to go to the school she wanted and have a happy life and not worrying how can she make a living for her mom to survive. I want to stop worrying how can I pay my debts. I want to stop worrying which bank can I loan or which friend can I borrow money from. I want to risk and take this chance.
Last Sunday, the speaker quote us one of Steve Jobs lines: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Let me end it with this story, my child wanted to go to disneyland because she wants to see the princesses. I want to make her wish come true. right now, I do not see myself granting her wish, because I am in debt to almost all my friends and 5 banks here in Singapore. So I want to grab this chance and one time opportunity. I want to grant her her wish.
Lord, guide me and teach me....Lord, if this is Your will, let no one or nothing stand in my way. Amen.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
FAITH
Faith is believing you can walk on water. I lost my Faith....
My prayer...
Lord, teach me to be faithful once again. Start believing on your POWER and GRACE than my strength and fears. Bring my heart to know that you are GOD all mighty and all things can change in YOUR power. Forgive me , for I forgot how great YOU are and how majestic are YOUR plans for our lives.
Forgive me again, Father and I pray to be back in your arms.
Amen...
My prayer...
Lord, teach me to be faithful once again. Start believing on your POWER and GRACE than my strength and fears. Bring my heart to know that you are GOD all mighty and all things can change in YOUR power. Forgive me , for I forgot how great YOU are and how majestic are YOUR plans for our lives.
Forgive me again, Father and I pray to be back in your arms.
Amen...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
SANIDRAS
Nagsimula ang lahat sa eskwela, nagsama sama labing dalawa....hanggang ngayon pag naaalala ko ang highschool life ko, I always want to hum this song...
Minsan binibilang natin ang taon ng pag tanda natin, pero nakakalimutan natin bilangin ang taon na kasama natin ang mga tao sa buhay natin. Masasabi ko na mapalad ako, kasi di ko hiningi pero napabilang ako sa kanila. Naalala ko yun, first day of school sa APHS, 1990 , I GOOD daw ako, simper masaya kasi kasama ko ung ibang classmate ko sa elementary. Di ko pa sila ka close nun, pero nagkikita na kami at nagkakausap. Sumiklab and natatago naming bonding 2nd year high school, kung tutuusin masaya ako na bumaba ang section ko kasi kung hindi di ko sila makikilala. hehehe =) Puppy love, crushes, eraser heads, away sa corridor, tambay sa wawa, after school chikahan. I was accepted and felt loved in this group.
Fast forward, 20 years na kami this coming 2014, reunion raw ulit ng highschool namin, pero meron rin kami na reunion namin.. Magkikita kita kami ulit lahat this Novermber 2014. After 20 years, may mga supling na kami.. Dami pa rin napapag kwnetuhan at gumagawa talaga ng paraan. Siguro tama ang kasabihan na pag gusto may paraan pag ayaw maraming dahilan. Kasi kahit gaano kalayo pa ang narating namin geographically, we still find ways to talk, to inspire each other, to laugh, to teach each other, to ask questions, to confess without being judged and to be loved.
I found a family in them and I love them.. My Kadas Forever....
Minsan binibilang natin ang taon ng pag tanda natin, pero nakakalimutan natin bilangin ang taon na kasama natin ang mga tao sa buhay natin. Masasabi ko na mapalad ako, kasi di ko hiningi pero napabilang ako sa kanila. Naalala ko yun, first day of school sa APHS, 1990 , I GOOD daw ako, simper masaya kasi kasama ko ung ibang classmate ko sa elementary. Di ko pa sila ka close nun, pero nagkikita na kami at nagkakausap. Sumiklab and natatago naming bonding 2nd year high school, kung tutuusin masaya ako na bumaba ang section ko kasi kung hindi di ko sila makikilala. hehehe =) Puppy love, crushes, eraser heads, away sa corridor, tambay sa wawa, after school chikahan. I was accepted and felt loved in this group.
Fast forward, 20 years na kami this coming 2014, reunion raw ulit ng highschool namin, pero meron rin kami na reunion namin.. Magkikita kita kami ulit lahat this Novermber 2014. After 20 years, may mga supling na kami.. Dami pa rin napapag kwnetuhan at gumagawa talaga ng paraan. Siguro tama ang kasabihan na pag gusto may paraan pag ayaw maraming dahilan. Kasi kahit gaano kalayo pa ang narating namin geographically, we still find ways to talk, to inspire each other, to laugh, to teach each other, to ask questions, to confess without being judged and to be loved.
I found a family in them and I love them.. My Kadas Forever....
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Heart's Day
Staring at my laptop, and learning my way to Windows 8, I decided to take a break before I explode. I visited you again.. my blog site.
How are you doing? Its been a year since I lay eyes upon you, let's just say I still do not have the drive to write. I needed inspiration, however, inspiration is like a butterfly, the more I long for it, it eludes me..
My body misses the adrenaline rush, maybe it's too old.. as they say I am an old soul.. hehehe =) But good news, my heart starting to pump again, not blood but slowly starting to feel again. The very last heart ache almost put it in comatose. It's like a soldier left on the battle field half dead, if there was 3/4 dead then it would be like it. Sometimes, I think I lived like a zombie for almost 5 years..not feeling anything...Sometimes, I asked myself, do I not feel anything anymore, or my heart is just to scared to be left dead again?? Since I cannot find within me the answer to that question .. Let me just have this prayer:
Lord, I am scared. I once, had the courage that I can do anything, that I forgot YOU.
Because of that, it left me totally broken, I trusted on my own strength and relied
on my own understanding, because I was too happy.
I forgot my purpose in life.
Lord, forgive me and I know it's too much but please fill out the HOLE in my heart
Give me back the heart I once had, because I want to be a good example to my child.
Let me be a living testimony about Your Love and how it will transform me
That let me always remember that YOU always loved me and YOU always looked upon me
Make me whole oh, GOD.
Amen..
How are you doing? Its been a year since I lay eyes upon you, let's just say I still do not have the drive to write. I needed inspiration, however, inspiration is like a butterfly, the more I long for it, it eludes me..
My body misses the adrenaline rush, maybe it's too old.. as they say I am an old soul.. hehehe =) But good news, my heart starting to pump again, not blood but slowly starting to feel again. The very last heart ache almost put it in comatose. It's like a soldier left on the battle field half dead, if there was 3/4 dead then it would be like it. Sometimes, I think I lived like a zombie for almost 5 years..not feeling anything...Sometimes, I asked myself, do I not feel anything anymore, or my heart is just to scared to be left dead again?? Since I cannot find within me the answer to that question .. Let me just have this prayer:
Lord, I am scared. I once, had the courage that I can do anything, that I forgot YOU.
Because of that, it left me totally broken, I trusted on my own strength and relied
on my own understanding, because I was too happy.
I forgot my purpose in life.
Lord, forgive me and I know it's too much but please fill out the HOLE in my heart
Give me back the heart I once had, because I want to be a good example to my child.
Let me be a living testimony about Your Love and how it will transform me
That let me always remember that YOU always loved me and YOU always looked upon me
Make me whole oh, GOD.
Amen..
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Staying Alive
When I first met her, it was like the song " Staying Alive" was playing on the background, because of her "terno' black bell bottoms and long sleeves. She was always frowning during those times so nobody dared to talk to her. I got a chance to meet her when Bob saw her smoking at the JTC building stairway. From that moment, we became friends. We started going out, then moving to the same house, then being roommates.. We've been together and inseparable since then, that was about 6 years ago..late of 2006.
We left Philippines because of heart aches and met men that would change our lives forever. We also, at the same time, travelled the road of being left behind and heartache again. If I may say, we have both endured 2 heartbreaks, but I think she had more...hehehe =)
I think GOD was purposely giving me friends who are really tough on the outside, because GOD knows I was a fragile person last time, however, after i gave birth to Ellyce, I think I become so tough.
Thank you Lord, for Guerlain Ross Dolas Ayento, life in Singapore will never be the same and even though we are not gonna be housemate anymore, please take care of her and may we still continue to be together as friends forever. Stay Alive my friend, with your dreams !!!!
For you Laine, this song I dedicate:
Staying Alive
Bee Gees
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.
And now it's all right, it's O.K.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Well now, I get low and I get high
And if I can't get either I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.
You know it's all right, it's O.K.
I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.
And now it's all right, it's O.K.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
We left Philippines because of heart aches and met men that would change our lives forever. We also, at the same time, travelled the road of being left behind and heartache again. If I may say, we have both endured 2 heartbreaks, but I think she had more...hehehe =)
I think GOD was purposely giving me friends who are really tough on the outside, because GOD knows I was a fragile person last time, however, after i gave birth to Ellyce, I think I become so tough.
Thank you Lord, for Guerlain Ross Dolas Ayento, life in Singapore will never be the same and even though we are not gonna be housemate anymore, please take care of her and may we still continue to be together as friends forever. Stay Alive my friend, with your dreams !!!!
For you Laine, this song I dedicate:
Staying Alive
Bee Gees
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.
And now it's all right, it's O.K.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Well now, I get low and I get high
And if I can't get either I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.
You know it's all right, it's O.K.
I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.
And now it's all right, it's O.K.
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
The New York Times' effect on man.
Whether you're a brother
Or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin'
And ev'rybody shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha,
Stayin' alive.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Life goin' nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah.
Stayin' alive
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Muling Nangagrap
Isang taon na lang mag eexpire na ang re entry permit namin mag-ina. November 26, 2013 to be exact. Kinakabahan ako, napakabilis ng panahon. 2006 tapos feeling ko bigla na lang 2013 na.. Anim na taon at kalahati. Nagtagal na ako sa bansang ito. Kung tutuusin ito na ang tirahan ko. Parang wala na ako babalikan sa kinagisnan ko. Dito na kami namuhay mag-ina.
Marami ako mga plano. Plan A, Plan B at Plan C. Pero sa tapusan ng mga plano isa lang naman ang tinatakbuhan ko. Ikaw lang, Panginoon..Dinala mo ako dito sa Singapore, nung una parang mga pawang mga plano lang rin at mga pangarap na nagkatotoo..
Mangangarap ulit ako, Panginoon..at gusto ko malaman mo, na kahit ano mangyari..kung Plan A o Plan B o Plan C man ang piliin Mo, patuloy ako magtitiwala..mangangarap..di na mag isa kungdi kasama na si Ellyce..yung munti mong regalo sa akin..
Maraming salamat sa Buhay. Sa pag-asa, sa mga kaibigan, sa paghihirap, sa mga pagsubok..Sa pagmamahal at pagtitiwala na kakayanin ko ang lahat...Paslit pa rin pala ako sa mga mata Mo, kasi umiiyak pa rin ako pag nasusugatan, nasasaktan..Ikaw pa rin ang tinatakbuhan ko..
Looking forward to be amazed this coming 2013...=) Praise be to You!!!
Marami ako mga plano. Plan A, Plan B at Plan C. Pero sa tapusan ng mga plano isa lang naman ang tinatakbuhan ko. Ikaw lang, Panginoon..Dinala mo ako dito sa Singapore, nung una parang mga pawang mga plano lang rin at mga pangarap na nagkatotoo..
Mangangarap ulit ako, Panginoon..at gusto ko malaman mo, na kahit ano mangyari..kung Plan A o Plan B o Plan C man ang piliin Mo, patuloy ako magtitiwala..mangangarap..di na mag isa kungdi kasama na si Ellyce..yung munti mong regalo sa akin..
Maraming salamat sa Buhay. Sa pag-asa, sa mga kaibigan, sa paghihirap, sa mga pagsubok..Sa pagmamahal at pagtitiwala na kakayanin ko ang lahat...Paslit pa rin pala ako sa mga mata Mo, kasi umiiyak pa rin ako pag nasusugatan, nasasaktan..Ikaw pa rin ang tinatakbuhan ko..
Looking forward to be amazed this coming 2013...=) Praise be to You!!!
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