Jingle Bells

I am already heart broken, so I do not need a dull CHRISTMAS. I made a big step on going to the sale and buy myself a 4 feet Christmas tree and some house decorations. hehehe =) After cleaning and cooking dinner, I started decorating the Christmas tree. Well, I may say so myself, it was good, the house has the spirit of the Yultide season even all heartbroken lives there.

But what is the true meaning of Christmas, is it time of loneliness because you are away from your family and you just broke up and also broke... I do not think so, Christmas is about Jesus, HIS birthday and his coming to this WORLD. His confirmation of bringing SALVATION.

I hope, we would look deep inside our souls and thank JESUS as HE celebrate HIS birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS....thank you, thank you for this life I have, whatever it is...I am very greatful to have known YOU....

Someday

Hi,

How are you? One day more and it's 2 weeks. Imagine, how fast the days have gone by.
Sometimes, I want to bring it back and take away all the things that I have said, but I know I can't. 2 weeks of denial and acceptance and moving on, it was very hard.

I admit, every time I hear your voice and see your frowning face, I want to run to you and take it all away, because some of it was my infliction. But some force is stopping me, because we are sailing both ships..I try to balance myself and find my way to redemption but I can set myself not to look at you. But i have to try...

Now, I am quite okey, knowing I have done my part, tried to fix some lose threads and set the line straight. You know what is in my heart and you know what I want. I am not asking you to reach out for my hand...I only wish for you to be better.

I wish to see you smile again and tell me things like how you'd been, how is your life and the plans you are taking...I wish for you to have strength to face each day and courage to slowly reach your goals, because I know that's what you always wanted.

And I hope next time, we would just laugh about it and joke at each other of what has happened. But for now...I will try to step my feet one step at a time and see the good things of what life has brought me....

Missing you so much,

Earlene

Naughty by Nature

A good way to take away stress, depression, heartache and boredom is posing for a camera...hehehe =) Earlier, I had gone to an appointment to have my picture taken and was given free makeup, image instructor to teach me to pose and a camera man. Wow, this is life.

I was instructed to change twice and it was fun posing for 50 shots...hehehe =) All stress was gone.. Thank you for, Sam who was very helpful and the nbyn images. I had a blast....

Calm After the Storm

Have you experienced a strong storm before?

Before it comes, you can here the houling winds and the strong spatter in the roof. You become vunerable of the non-stop thunder and lightning. You become afraid and think when will it stop. Everywhere is darkness and cold. Uncertainty arises...

During the rain, you sleep, you try to see the good thing about it. The cold will get you a good sleeping mode. The spatter of the rain will sound like music to your ears, as you dream away. hehehe =) and eating hot foods can never be better. Champorado and tuyo anyone? =D

Then when you wake up, you will see the clearness of the sky. There might be mess everywhere, but you are ready to fix things again. To put things where they are and organize. Start another day with a smile in you face because you know you SURVIVED....

Awakening

I did not realize that I was going desperate from the past one week. It was only today, that I wake up from my unnecessary behavior.

It all started last Monday when I unexpectedly, pull out as what I thought was a harmless question that became my greatest fear. Well, it all started with innocent waiting and going home together, followed by lunch and dinners and spending time in the beach. I never thought that such a guy will have interest in me, after reading the book "How to Meet Your One True Love" and praying for ages to meet "the guy". There he was, talking to me , asking me to spend time with him, endless chatting and laughs. I was practically, got hooked up and hit by cupid, real hard.

As my friends would say, I fell in love easily. One month of the happy together, friendly dates, we became officially and exclusively dating each other. In the long run, I thought, this guy was also feeling, what I am feeling. I thought this guy was head over heels of me, all was just a thought, a hunch, a hypothesis with no conclusion.

Then last Monday, as I thought about it, it happened, I asked for our status. Like two sides of the coin, there were two sides of the story. I was just asking for assurance about the relationship, if we call it one and basically, he thought I was pressuring him to commit to me.

At first, I cannot see it, I cannot see the part, that I was pressuring him, but 7 days later and a zillion times reading the conversation that we had in yahoo that I saved. I saw it.... the part of me that I was dreading to be....The monster crawl into me and I for that moment sounded desperate.

As any broken hearted girl, it would be flight or fright case to case basis and since I have been always choosing the latter, I made a decision to fight. At 8 pm in the evening at my house in front of the computer, I have done the unimaginable, I send him sms and ask him, "do you like me?" actually, that was suppose to be " do you love me?" but I thought that was to way off. Then he never replied......I was really pushing him and I might lose something that I have because of too much paying attention to detail.

If you can read this, I am sorry, I never thought I'd be like this, but please do understand that I am just wanting something to start right...I woke myself up from my dream, I woke myself up, we should be like before enjoying each other's company first, I should be in a way sensitive enough to know that you are having hard days...

But thank you, I already woke up, I know now what to do. I should love myself more, I should be true to myself that I need to respect myself..Thank you, that even I want to bury myself alive for the sms I sent you, it already happen, I cannot turn back time and take back what I asked, what I had done...

I am now awakened and no more sleepless nights, thinking on uncertainties, thinking of bad things, like you leaving me...I know, you also had enough of me and I pushed you way too the edge of the cliff that you don't want to come back anymore...but now i am awake and I will love myself I little more than before.

i hope you get through your obstacle right now and if after all this things we still decided to be together, let fate decide on that, but for now I will enjoy my awakening.

Heroes

When we came upon watching heroes last week that is the time the marathon begins. Most of the time spent in front of the screen just to make sure we finish the chapters. The powers of this extra ordinary people was so amazing.

Imagine yourself, you can fly, read people's thoughts, can have body regeneration, tele-portation, see the future, and so much more...

If i was going to be a hero, I would want to have the power to read minds....So i will not be left questioning...I would not be left misunderstood. I would not be left, holding back...

Suresh said his father would always say, there are no answers but only more questions of "why?" Why this thing have to happen? Why this thing need to continue? Why am I still here? Why we are still waiting?

But also, much has been said that with great power comes great responsibility...maybe we do not have this extra heroic capabilities, but we have special abilities to care, to smile, to overcome obstacles or our own. We are survivors of everyday challanges and be thankful for it every second of our lives. We are fighters of "change", like water , we can copy the forms around us..

But sometimes heroes need rest too, they need love ones to understand them, believe in the things they are doing, turst in the path they choose and be there when they fail..

I want to have some heroic powers, too, but i am just me and I will try to be more that a hero can be... I will be myself....my own identity...

yesss...