Isang taon na lang mag eexpire na ang re entry permit namin mag-ina. November 26, 2013 to be exact. Kinakabahan ako, napakabilis ng panahon. 2006 tapos feeling ko bigla na lang 2013 na.. Anim na taon at kalahati. Nagtagal na ako sa bansang ito. Kung tutuusin ito na ang tirahan ko. Parang wala na ako babalikan sa kinagisnan ko. Dito na kami namuhay mag-ina.
Marami ako mga plano. Plan A, Plan B at Plan C. Pero sa tapusan ng mga plano isa lang naman ang tinatakbuhan ko. Ikaw lang, Panginoon..Dinala mo ako dito sa Singapore, nung una parang mga pawang mga plano lang rin at mga pangarap na nagkatotoo..
Mangangarap ulit ako, Panginoon..at gusto ko malaman mo, na kahit ano mangyari..kung Plan A o Plan B o Plan C man ang piliin Mo, patuloy ako magtitiwala..mangangarap..di na mag isa kungdi kasama na si Ellyce..yung munti mong regalo sa akin..
Maraming salamat sa Buhay. Sa pag-asa, sa mga kaibigan, sa paghihirap, sa mga pagsubok..Sa pagmamahal at pagtitiwala na kakayanin ko ang lahat...Paslit pa rin pala ako sa mga mata Mo, kasi umiiyak pa rin ako pag nasusugatan, nasasaktan..Ikaw pa rin ang tinatakbuhan ko..
Looking forward to be amazed this coming 2013...=) Praise be to You!!!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Bato
Nasubukan mo na bang maging bato?
Pagod na ang leeg ko kakatingala, gusto ko na tumungo
Pero hindi ko magawa, dahil mga luha ko ay tutulo.
Pagod na ako maging malakas, wala na ako mapaghugutan.
Para bang lalo ako lumalaban,
Lalo dumadami ang mga pangyayaring tumutulak sa kin para sumuko.
Minsan na ako tumungo, lumuhod at nanalangin,
Gusto kong isipin na naririnig ako ng Diyos.
Pero bakit ang hirap hirap pa rin.
Sobra sobra ba ginawa ko na kasalanan, ultimo Sya
di na ako mapatawad???
Sa aking pagtungo, maraming luha ang pumatak,
Di pala ako "bato".
Tao pa rin na nasasaktan...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Mother's Day 2012
It's will be the 4th time I am privileged to be greeted "happy mother's day" on this special occasion and each year has been a different feeling for me...
Mother's day was celebrated last May 13, 2012 and I, like millions of mother around the world receive messages and greetings in emails, chats, FB, you name it...It's a special feeling and it is an honor...I was presented by an art craft made of a heart and a song from my ever dearest sweet daughter...She has her ways making this day special for me.. She even greeted me in advance. =)
This year, I felt 3 things regarding my current status as a single mother. Let me elaborate these to you:
1. I felt a little envy. I found my colleagues at work talking about how they will celebrate it with their husbands and how their husbands would surprise them and deep in my heart there is a little pain, not because I do not have David beside me but "there is nobody beside me". I am alone and I let myself be alone for 4 years..I was thinking at the back of my mind how it would be nice to celebrate it with somebody other than my child.
2. I think of myself pretty again, I felt happy... as in satisfaction happy..let's just say I can still make heads turn even at 35.. =P
3. I felt very offended, I just don't understand why some people just any how tell others your situation as if it's not in a personal level and they do this just to feed their egos. One of my caring guy colleagues asked me innocently " earlene, why do they greet you mother's day when you are single, are you not offended?", I answered him nicely and told him that I have a child therefore I am a mother. But my girl colleague just butt in and said can't you get it "she is a single mom"...haaizzz...and it did not stop her from telling each person who would ask who am I? she will always add this 5 little words " she is a single mom" as if I have a scarlet letter on my forehead..I don't deny it, but I do not want every single living creature in this planet know. I do not want people to pity me and my child, and I do not want them to belittle us just because a selfish guy just cannot be responsible...
Single mom, or a married mom, what ever it is, the mother day was celebrated to honor the women who were given a chance to have a child/children and took that chance and decided to bring a life to this world. I salute all those women out there, it's not easy and motherhood is a choice and a journey that is for ever.....
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, LADIES....
Mother's day was celebrated last May 13, 2012 and I, like millions of mother around the world receive messages and greetings in emails, chats, FB, you name it...It's a special feeling and it is an honor...I was presented by an art craft made of a heart and a song from my ever dearest sweet daughter...She has her ways making this day special for me.. She even greeted me in advance. =)
This year, I felt 3 things regarding my current status as a single mother. Let me elaborate these to you:
1. I felt a little envy. I found my colleagues at work talking about how they will celebrate it with their husbands and how their husbands would surprise them and deep in my heart there is a little pain, not because I do not have David beside me but "there is nobody beside me". I am alone and I let myself be alone for 4 years..I was thinking at the back of my mind how it would be nice to celebrate it with somebody other than my child.
2. I think of myself pretty again, I felt happy... as in satisfaction happy..let's just say I can still make heads turn even at 35.. =P
3. I felt very offended, I just don't understand why some people just any how tell others your situation as if it's not in a personal level and they do this just to feed their egos. One of my caring guy colleagues asked me innocently " earlene, why do they greet you mother's day when you are single, are you not offended?", I answered him nicely and told him that I have a child therefore I am a mother. But my girl colleague just butt in and said can't you get it "she is a single mom"...haaizzz...and it did not stop her from telling each person who would ask who am I? she will always add this 5 little words " she is a single mom" as if I have a scarlet letter on my forehead..I don't deny it, but I do not want every single living creature in this planet know. I do not want people to pity me and my child, and I do not want them to belittle us just because a selfish guy just cannot be responsible...
Single mom, or a married mom, what ever it is, the mother day was celebrated to honor the women who were given a chance to have a child/children and took that chance and decided to bring a life to this world. I salute all those women out there, it's not easy and motherhood is a choice and a journey that is for ever.....
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, LADIES....
Sunday, January 1, 2012
WAPAK
The other day, I realized how I can affect another person, in a special way...
We were viewing houses to rent for this coming year because our rental contract will end on January 31st, 2012. Knowing expenses are getting high , I never expected to find a house rent lower than what we have now. Also, I have some restrictions to the next house that we are going to rent, because my child will start studying this year.
First restriction is, I need to get my own room, because she is getting bigger now. I cannot share rooms with Laine, mainly I am considered a single unit of community with the father missing in action, so i have a mom as a proxy to take care of my child when I am working. second restriction is it should be within the neighbourhood because the school she is registered to only will recognize her staying there as s student if all their requirements are matched, which included the location we are staying. When you are on a limited budget and a lot of restrictions, your window of options is quite small, like a pin hole as I would say.
The only solution that I can think of at the moment is to tell my friend, who is also our agent to be true to all my request. To be honest I am not sure if for him these are demands...hehehe =)
But the saying "finding a needle in a haystack" will not coined if it has not happened before...and by God's grace.. we found a house... not only that I need but my flatmates loves....
But what really caught white handly was the reaction of my friend agent, he told me he was willing to shell out the necessary money to help us out to transfer to the house we wanted. I asked him for the reason, he said because I am a good person, I was kind to him during the time he needed a friend. That I was a a good hearted person...and he will forever cherish. I was so touched by his words, i never knew that by being myself I had a great impact on another person's life...
What I lack, GOD finds people to help me out to have it...THANK YOU LORD...
THANK YOU FOR A GOOD 2012 start..............
We were viewing houses to rent for this coming year because our rental contract will end on January 31st, 2012. Knowing expenses are getting high , I never expected to find a house rent lower than what we have now. Also, I have some restrictions to the next house that we are going to rent, because my child will start studying this year.
First restriction is, I need to get my own room, because she is getting bigger now. I cannot share rooms with Laine, mainly I am considered a single unit of community with the father missing in action, so i have a mom as a proxy to take care of my child when I am working. second restriction is it should be within the neighbourhood because the school she is registered to only will recognize her staying there as s student if all their requirements are matched, which included the location we are staying. When you are on a limited budget and a lot of restrictions, your window of options is quite small, like a pin hole as I would say.
The only solution that I can think of at the moment is to tell my friend, who is also our agent to be true to all my request. To be honest I am not sure if for him these are demands...hehehe =)
But the saying "finding a needle in a haystack" will not coined if it has not happened before...and by God's grace.. we found a house... not only that I need but my flatmates loves....
But what really caught white handly was the reaction of my friend agent, he told me he was willing to shell out the necessary money to help us out to transfer to the house we wanted. I asked him for the reason, he said because I am a good person, I was kind to him during the time he needed a friend. That I was a a good hearted person...and he will forever cherish. I was so touched by his words, i never knew that by being myself I had a great impact on another person's life...
What I lack, GOD finds people to help me out to have it...THANK YOU LORD...
THANK YOU FOR A GOOD 2012 start..............
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Life of Luxury
I attended our dinner and dance tonight and the theme of the party was life of luxury...
Hmm....I imagined myself of life of luxury...I go to stores, where I look a the fabric when buying clothes and not the price tags. I eat what I want to eat. I go to places, I way to discover...Ellyce and me would travel a lot...I'll live in Canada with Dag and Nilo...cause I needed a fresh start.
I'd still keep my job, I'd hire a nanny and send my mom back to Philippines. I would buy a house and lot on Ellyce name. Get her a trust fund. Share some of my blessings to the church I am attending...I pray for it to have a place of worship...
I'll have our house get major renovations...I want a three story house with 6 bedrooms...A play room and a place for cooking...
I would sponsor a cousin to study....and have a blast in life....
Life of Luxury for me is taking out the limits and the boundaries of budget....hehehhehe
Friday, December 9, 2011
2012......
Before the closing of 2011.. I like to list all of t he things I am thankful for...Thank you, Lord for :
1. Paying my loan for Standard Chartered.
2. Approval of my Dad's long term visa.
3. Ellyce, smooth enrollment to school here in Singapore
4. A new job
5. Increase in salary
6. Payment of my other personal debts to close friends..
7. List of debts, getting shorter.
8. Elmer and Ecats visit to SG
9.Travel to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam and Genting, Malaysia
10.My macbook air
11. My HP Compaq laptop computer
12. Savings for Ellyce and myself.
Praying for 2012..
1. Singaporean citizenship approval
2. Fulfilling job.
3. Increase in Salary.
4. Tithing to continue
5. To fall in love and meet God's Will
6. To come home to Philippines this Christmas
7. To spend my 35th birthday in another country..(Japan, or Korea or HK)
8.To finish off my personal debts.
Lord, you kept me growing and walking to Life steadily...I know You will be there all the way..
Thank you for all the blessings and gift of Life...
Earlene
10/12/11
0039 hrs
Death
I watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 with my housemates. I took me by surprise, that same reaction Edward Cullen and Bella was going through, send me back to past. I never wanted to visit it anymore, that part of my past, because of too many unspoken words, and due to this unspoken words, there were of course, unanswered questions....
It brought be back April 10, 2008 at Bedok Reservior to be exact. It was drizzling, the same reactions, Edward said, that was the same things he said...The first words, were..."Are, you okay?" "Do you feel sick?".. and ""It's all my fault"...Then time stood still....
Watching the movie, in a way, gave me some answers, but answers that are all maybes....Bella to Edward was like oxygen, it made him feel whole again..Life made sense with her....and even just the thought of losing her...makes his heart stop beating... as if vampires have beating hearts... =)
In a way let's put it that life will stop revolving....I never knew I had that impact on him..Until this very day, he says life has been hard on him...well, to be honest, life to all has been hard...that is why there is a saying " Pray not for life to be easy, but for you to be stronger"....
I know, he does not know, but if this blog would reach him, I'd like to say..I wanted to chose you, I wanted to my very last breath to be with you..to cherish all the days with you just like before..But the part of me that you wanted me to sacrifice just to have that is a fruit and the evidence of our love...
If for you, life now is hard, I tell you, now, As if a part of me died...I cannot be the same person anymore, and my worse opponent is myself getting back on track...I need to be sane, to breath...for her...I forgotten to be angry anymore...and at times I feel like, I am not human as well, to forgive the man, who took her chance of having a dad....
Death also came to me...I lose confidence, I grew lot of white hair, I had to live up to the things that I have, and have loneliness beside me.....I also died.. I do not know why you still want to hide...but I suggest coming out in the open is the first step to setting yourself free...
3 years, is a good enough track that I never wanted for your money....as for Edward and Bella..forever is just the beginning.. but for us, it ended that day...it was drizzling and when the rain stopped.. our hearts stopped beating as well...
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