I watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 with my housemates. I took me by surprise, that same reaction Edward Cullen and Bella was going through, send me back to past. I never wanted to visit it anymore, that part of my past, because of too many unspoken words, and due to this unspoken words, there were of course, unanswered questions....
It brought be back April 10, 2008 at Bedok Reservior to be exact. It was drizzling, the same reactions, Edward said, that was the same things he said...The first words, were..."Are, you okay?" "Do you feel sick?".. and ""It's all my fault"...Then time stood still....
Watching the movie, in a way, gave me some answers, but answers that are all maybes....Bella to Edward was like oxygen, it made him feel whole again..Life made sense with her....and even just the thought of losing her...makes his heart stop beating... as if vampires have beating hearts... =)
In a way let's put it that life will stop revolving....I never knew I had that impact on him..Until this very day, he says life has been hard on him...well, to be honest, life to all has been hard...that is why there is a saying " Pray not for life to be easy, but for you to be stronger"....
I know, he does not know, but if this blog would reach him, I'd like to say..I wanted to chose you, I wanted to my very last breath to be with you..to cherish all the days with you just like before..But the part of me that you wanted me to sacrifice just to have that is a fruit and the evidence of our love...
If for you, life now is hard, I tell you, now, As if a part of me died...I cannot be the same person anymore, and my worse opponent is myself getting back on track...I need to be sane, to breath...for her...I forgotten to be angry anymore...and at times I feel like, I am not human as well, to forgive the man, who took her chance of having a dad....
Death also came to me...I lose confidence, I grew lot of white hair, I had to live up to the things that I have, and have loneliness beside me.....I also died.. I do not know why you still want to hide...but I suggest coming out in the open is the first step to setting yourself free...
3 years, is a good enough track that I never wanted for your money....as for Edward and Bella..forever is just the beginning.. but for us, it ended that day...it was drizzling and when the rain stopped.. our hearts stopped beating as well...
