Life of Luxury

I attended our dinner and dance tonight and the theme of the party was life of luxury...

Hmm....I imagined myself of life of luxury...I go to stores, where I look a the fabric when buying clothes and not the price tags. I eat what I want to eat. I go to places, I way to discover...Ellyce and me would travel a lot...I'll live in Canada with Dag and Nilo...cause I needed a fresh start.

I'd still keep my job, I'd hire a nanny and send my mom back to Philippines. I would buy a house and lot on Ellyce name. Get her a trust fund. Share some of my blessings to the church I am attending...I pray for it to have a place of worship...

I'll have our house get major renovations...I want a three story house with 6 bedrooms...A play room and a place for cooking...

I would sponsor a cousin to study....and have a blast in life....

Life of Luxury for me is taking out the limits and the boundaries of budget....hehehhehe

2012......

Before the closing of 2011.. I like to list all of t he things I am thankful for...Thank you, Lord for :

1. Paying my loan for Standard Chartered.

2. Approval of my Dad's long term visa.

3. Ellyce, smooth enrollment to school here in Singapore

4. A new job

5. Increase in salary

6. Payment of my other personal debts to close friends..

7. List of debts, getting shorter.

8. Elmer and Ecats visit to SG

9.Travel to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam and Genting, Malaysia

10.My macbook air

11. My HP Compaq laptop computer

12. Savings for Ellyce and myself.

Praying for 2012..

1. Singaporean citizenship approval

2. Fulfilling job.

3. Increase in Salary.

4. Tithing to continue

5. To fall in love and meet God's Will

6. To come home to Philippines this Christmas

7. To spend my 35th birthday in another country..(Japan, or Korea or HK)

8.To finish off my personal debts.

Lord, you kept me growing and walking to Life steadily...I know You will be there all the way..

Thank you for all the blessings and gift of Life...

Earlene

10/12/11

0039 hrs

Death

I watched Breaking Dawn Part 1 with my housemates. I took me by surprise, that same reaction Edward Cullen and Bella was going through, send me back to past. I never wanted to visit it anymore, that part of my past, because of too many unspoken words, and due to this unspoken words, there were of course, unanswered questions....

It brought be back April 10, 2008 at Bedok Reservior to be exact. It was drizzling, the same reactions, Edward said, that was the same things he said...The first words, were..."Are, you okay?" "Do you feel sick?".. and ""It's all my fault"...Then time stood still....

Watching the movie, in a way, gave me some answers, but answers that are all maybes....Bella to Edward was like oxygen, it made him feel whole again..Life made sense with her....and even just the thought of losing her...makes his heart stop beating... as if vampires have beating hearts... =)

In a way let's put it that life will stop revolving....I never knew I had that impact on him..Until this very day, he says life has been hard on him...well, to be honest, life to all has been hard...that is why there is a saying " Pray not for life to be easy, but for you to be stronger"....

I know, he does not know, but if this blog would reach him, I'd like to say..I wanted to chose you, I wanted to my very last breath to be with you..to cherish all the days with you just like before..But the part of me that you wanted me to sacrifice just to have that is a fruit and the evidence of our love...

If for you, life now is hard, I tell you, now, As if a part of me died...I cannot be the same person anymore, and my worse opponent is myself getting back on track...I need to be sane, to breath...for her...I forgotten to be angry anymore...and at times I feel like, I am not human as well, to forgive the man, who took her chance of having a dad....

Death also came to me...I lose confidence, I grew lot of white hair, I had to live up to the things that I have, and have loneliness beside me.....I also died.. I do not know why you still want to hide...but I suggest coming out in the open is the first step to setting yourself free...

3 years, is a good enough track that I never wanted for your money....as for Edward and Bella..forever is just the beginning.. but for us, it ended that day...it was drizzling and when the rain stopped.. our hearts stopped beating as well...

No Expextations

When things come least expected and it's good.. you are overwhelmed by the great luck you received. But when something happened unexpected and you got hurt, you build a fortress to help you not to touch those hot waters again...

In the situation I am now, I wanted to build a wall but I know I should take the latter, and that is to not to expect...these are the times when "no" is associated to a word and it becomes a good thing.. " NO EXPECTATIONS"....However, these words does not come in small packages, you need great deal of attitude and character to conquer it...As they say attitude is 10% of what is happening to you but it's 90% of how you choose to react....I got tired of being historical and hysterical as my pastor say...She said, when we are angry, we become hysterical..shouting, cursing, adding ridicule to insult..I also become historical, digging the ghost of past and let them haunt me until I get to a point of exploding....

If there are no expectations, you are conquering your fears, and most of all you are to the best of your character, meaning being true to yourself to forgive...Forgive the person who hurt you, and most of all to forgive yourself for letting it take over you...I am no saint, but I know I am still of clear mind...because I can forgive...NO EXPECTATIONS anymore....

OUCH!!!

"I have learned now that while those who speak about ones miseries usually hurt, but those who keep silence hurt more. " — C.S. Lewis

It hurts I admit, until now, it does. But the situation can hurt you as long as you allow it to. I thought to myself, life has to move on...your life is moving on, what should be the reason why mine can't?

Scanning to those photos, made my head hurt, because of all the questions that keep on popping in my mind. At first I acted of hiding, keeping away...but then again I thought, why would I hide..I was no the liar...

The truth is that I loved you...I hurt inside because I trusted you..I was true to those feelings during the time we were together...even the little hope I have now, diminished..

To be honest, I am happy for you, you have your plans coming together, your brother is here.. you have a good job, that provides for your family.. you made your mom proud....but you are the worst father of them all...how can you live each day??? how can you even breath....??

One day, time will fly away and I'll be just laughing about these things....and that time starts now......

Inevitable

Inevitable
May 16th, 2007 by earlene0356

Inside her mind she is trying to find
Nowhere to see but within her heart
Entitled to sorrow
Vent to oneself
In time it will be cured
Till then let not unfold
Allow space to change and behold
Beneath the tears and the pain
Lies a smile waiting to unveil
Eventually this girl will see sunshine again