Old Friends, New Objective, Old dreams, New Prespective....

Christmas is just over, and new year is on its way. I would say I have been blessed this year with so many things. They say count your blessings and count them slow...

1. Transferring houses
2. New friends to know and Old friends to Keep
3. Travelling
4. Going back home
5. My dad graduating
6. Our new washing machine (pati ba ito?) hehehe
7. My brother graduating
8. My elder brother, getting married
9. For our healthy bodies
10.For him coming to my life and leaving...

My objective this 2008

1. To pay a down payment for a house and lot
2. To have my own savings
3. Laptop
4. New job
5. PR application and approval
6. To send my love ones here and have a blast
7. To be more sexier and beautiful..hehehe =)
8. To enjoy life
9. Higher Pay
10. For him to finally find me (paano kaya?)

Sometimes, we have to be braver, bolder and wiser. Try to stand up to every fall, heal the bruises and mend the scars. Remind oneself of the mistake and learn from it. Slowly raise our heads high and smile that all along we were surrounded with all the love we need to withstand the pain and turn it to a good one..

HAPPY 2008 everyone, ready for a SPLASH.....!!!!! =)

You Better Watch Out

Christmas is just hours away and it seems, it still a regular day here in Singapore. In the Philippines, last minute shopping will be a soar and traffic jam everywhere, mainly because people want to spend Christmas with their families...

I miss Christmas in the Philippines, this is the 2nd time I am spending it away from my family, and it is still quite getting use to..I miss the old Christmas tree, that even so old, still gives a warmth feeling of happiness to the house. I miss the lights and night mass, because there you will see your friends and joke together and make sure that on the Christmas Mass, we all be wearing something new. hehehe =)

I miss Christmas get together more, I thought I was spending it with someone special but I guess, I was early to look into the future...But I am still happy, I have my family overseas, my extended family and friends out there, all wishing me good things...

And the true meaning of Christmas is Celebration of Jesus Birthday...We all should be happy as Jesus is born on this day. The day, that would change our lives forever....

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY !!!!

I Know Not but HE Knows......

Four days from now it will be a month but I still have not found the answer for the big question WHY? Tears would never fall down in my eyes anymore but everytime you call me, everytime you look at me, I can still feel the deep pain you have given me..So many whys, so many what ifs, so many hopes, so many doubts....

I thought my love was enough to sustain it all, make believe that you would come back and take all the pain away.. but as days go by all you give me is broken dreams...I am all used up, all broken..trying to convince myself to stop...

At night, I crawl to my bed, pray and ask, WHY? why does this has to happen? Why did my heart gave in? Why did I not see it coming? Why did I let you enter my life? I really cannot find the answers and I know I will never get it from you... So I just pray... silently pray and hoping that one day, I find the answers, that one day I will tell myself "ow, that's why?" ....Because I may not know it, but GOD has reasons and GOD knows why you happen to my life....

What if I never had met you....

One of my past time includes watching the reruns of "Sex and the City" these past few days. I take it as my boredom and heartbroken medicine. A doze of 3 episodes per day make me feel "myself again".

The story is about 4 friends around the ages of late 30's enjoying every single moment of their lives and thier love lives as well. One of the season ender, Carrie, the main character, ask this questions to her friends " what if I had never met you?......"

Then it came to me, this one question, It keep coming out from my head...one single question that has this big impact that it keep running in my head. What if I never had met you?

To my friends, What if I had never met you? I may not have come out from my shell. I might still be the timid shy girl in the corner and not knowing what life is in store for me. I might be afraid to face my future, to face the kids that bully me around. I might not be this jolly person you have discovered. I might not be smiling at life's hardships and I might have not lived this long. I might not be young looking as I am today (hehehe =P). You are my color, the shades of green, yellow, purple, red, blue, orange that kept my life vibrant. You were also the black and white. You taught me strength, courage, true happiness and contentment. You help me see the beauty in things, to travel and discover my potentials. Every fall, you were there to help me mend my broken and bruised heart. You guys loved me, for me....

To you (lahat na kayo dyan), who have hurt my heart. To you who I have given me love and let me feel how to be special, thank you. If I have not met you, I would not have experienced this feeling. For the hurt, I also thank you...you made me into a better person. You made me grow up, learn new things and rediscover, that I can live a happy life with you and without you...The pain, the heart ache, the tears, the sleepless nights, the abnormality of deciding to let go or not...It was worth it all. To the current one, I may be still soul searching and mending a big wound.. but I know healing will come eventually... it's a challenge I have to win everyday, immunity not included....hehe mala survivor...

What if I had never met you...then I am the dullest person alive....

Weekends

Last time, weekends was my dreaded day. Because, mostly I do not get to talk and see you. I tried to ask what is it with weekends that it seems you are detached from my world, but I was afraid to hear the answers. So I just, accepted it, that on weekends, I will not SMS you, but to think of you is another story. At times I admit I would try to ask, how are you, but most of the time, you would not answer. =(

When Sunday night arrives, I am getting ready for Monday. Weekdays are the best of days. Hoping to see you at the MRT, sometimes wake up early to prepare you breakfast or lunch. Nothing beats my happiness. Then before the weekdays end, you would invite me for lunches and dinners..I kept on looking forward to it...Knowing we would have time ... real " QUALITY TIME".

Now, I dread weekdays and weekends are my bestfriend.

Upside Down - 6Cycle Mind

i've been spending some time
thinking i'd be alright
don't know if i could
really make it tonight

lie awake in the dark
come down then i start
thinking about you
is almost breaking my heart

i don't know where i went wrong
or what's going on
baby i feel like our love's lost tonight

should i stay, should i go
well i really don't know
lately i've been missing you so

refrain
baby you don't understand
our love lies lost
but your still
holding my hand

oh and then you walk away
just tonight
i want you to stay

chorus
you're turning me on you turn me around
you turn my whole world
upside down
(repeat twice)

everytime i hurt you
well it's hurting me too
don't know if
i could really stay here tonight

tired of thinking of you
and everything that you do
tell me what am i supposed to do
well i just wanted to say that i need you today
tell me its all gonna work out alright

i dont know where i should start
but with all of my heart
baby let me
be your lover tonight

repeat refrain
repeat chorus twice

Jingle Bells

I am already heart broken, so I do not need a dull CHRISTMAS. I made a big step on going to the sale and buy myself a 4 feet Christmas tree and some house decorations. hehehe =) After cleaning and cooking dinner, I started decorating the Christmas tree. Well, I may say so myself, it was good, the house has the spirit of the Yultide season even all heartbroken lives there.

But what is the true meaning of Christmas, is it time of loneliness because you are away from your family and you just broke up and also broke... I do not think so, Christmas is about Jesus, HIS birthday and his coming to this WORLD. His confirmation of bringing SALVATION.

I hope, we would look deep inside our souls and thank JESUS as HE celebrate HIS birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS....thank you, thank you for this life I have, whatever it is...I am very greatful to have known YOU....

Someday

Hi,

How are you? One day more and it's 2 weeks. Imagine, how fast the days have gone by.
Sometimes, I want to bring it back and take away all the things that I have said, but I know I can't. 2 weeks of denial and acceptance and moving on, it was very hard.

I admit, every time I hear your voice and see your frowning face, I want to run to you and take it all away, because some of it was my infliction. But some force is stopping me, because we are sailing both ships..I try to balance myself and find my way to redemption but I can set myself not to look at you. But i have to try...

Now, I am quite okey, knowing I have done my part, tried to fix some lose threads and set the line straight. You know what is in my heart and you know what I want. I am not asking you to reach out for my hand...I only wish for you to be better.

I wish to see you smile again and tell me things like how you'd been, how is your life and the plans you are taking...I wish for you to have strength to face each day and courage to slowly reach your goals, because I know that's what you always wanted.

And I hope next time, we would just laugh about it and joke at each other of what has happened. But for now...I will try to step my feet one step at a time and see the good things of what life has brought me....

Missing you so much,

Earlene

Naughty by Nature

A good way to take away stress, depression, heartache and boredom is posing for a camera...hehehe =) Earlier, I had gone to an appointment to have my picture taken and was given free makeup, image instructor to teach me to pose and a camera man. Wow, this is life.

I was instructed to change twice and it was fun posing for 50 shots...hehehe =) All stress was gone.. Thank you for, Sam who was very helpful and the nbyn images. I had a blast....

Calm After the Storm

Have you experienced a strong storm before?

Before it comes, you can here the houling winds and the strong spatter in the roof. You become vunerable of the non-stop thunder and lightning. You become afraid and think when will it stop. Everywhere is darkness and cold. Uncertainty arises...

During the rain, you sleep, you try to see the good thing about it. The cold will get you a good sleeping mode. The spatter of the rain will sound like music to your ears, as you dream away. hehehe =) and eating hot foods can never be better. Champorado and tuyo anyone? =D

Then when you wake up, you will see the clearness of the sky. There might be mess everywhere, but you are ready to fix things again. To put things where they are and organize. Start another day with a smile in you face because you know you SURVIVED....

Awakening

I did not realize that I was going desperate from the past one week. It was only today, that I wake up from my unnecessary behavior.

It all started last Monday when I unexpectedly, pull out as what I thought was a harmless question that became my greatest fear. Well, it all started with innocent waiting and going home together, followed by lunch and dinners and spending time in the beach. I never thought that such a guy will have interest in me, after reading the book "How to Meet Your One True Love" and praying for ages to meet "the guy". There he was, talking to me , asking me to spend time with him, endless chatting and laughs. I was practically, got hooked up and hit by cupid, real hard.

As my friends would say, I fell in love easily. One month of the happy together, friendly dates, we became officially and exclusively dating each other. In the long run, I thought, this guy was also feeling, what I am feeling. I thought this guy was head over heels of me, all was just a thought, a hunch, a hypothesis with no conclusion.

Then last Monday, as I thought about it, it happened, I asked for our status. Like two sides of the coin, there were two sides of the story. I was just asking for assurance about the relationship, if we call it one and basically, he thought I was pressuring him to commit to me.

At first, I cannot see it, I cannot see the part, that I was pressuring him, but 7 days later and a zillion times reading the conversation that we had in yahoo that I saved. I saw it.... the part of me that I was dreading to be....The monster crawl into me and I for that moment sounded desperate.

As any broken hearted girl, it would be flight or fright case to case basis and since I have been always choosing the latter, I made a decision to fight. At 8 pm in the evening at my house in front of the computer, I have done the unimaginable, I send him sms and ask him, "do you like me?" actually, that was suppose to be " do you love me?" but I thought that was to way off. Then he never replied......I was really pushing him and I might lose something that I have because of too much paying attention to detail.

If you can read this, I am sorry, I never thought I'd be like this, but please do understand that I am just wanting something to start right...I woke myself up from my dream, I woke myself up, we should be like before enjoying each other's company first, I should be in a way sensitive enough to know that you are having hard days...

But thank you, I already woke up, I know now what to do. I should love myself more, I should be true to myself that I need to respect myself..Thank you, that even I want to bury myself alive for the sms I sent you, it already happen, I cannot turn back time and take back what I asked, what I had done...

I am now awakened and no more sleepless nights, thinking on uncertainties, thinking of bad things, like you leaving me...I know, you also had enough of me and I pushed you way too the edge of the cliff that you don't want to come back anymore...but now i am awake and I will love myself I little more than before.

i hope you get through your obstacle right now and if after all this things we still decided to be together, let fate decide on that, but for now I will enjoy my awakening.