Awakening

I did not realize that I was going desperate from the past one week. It was only today, that I wake up from my unnecessary behavior.

It all started last Monday when I unexpectedly, pull out as what I thought was a harmless question that became my greatest fear. Well, it all started with innocent waiting and going home together, followed by lunch and dinners and spending time in the beach. I never thought that such a guy will have interest in me, after reading the book "How to Meet Your One True Love" and praying for ages to meet "the guy". There he was, talking to me , asking me to spend time with him, endless chatting and laughs. I was practically, got hooked up and hit by cupid, real hard.

As my friends would say, I fell in love easily. One month of the happy together, friendly dates, we became officially and exclusively dating each other. In the long run, I thought, this guy was also feeling, what I am feeling. I thought this guy was head over heels of me, all was just a thought, a hunch, a hypothesis with no conclusion.

Then last Monday, as I thought about it, it happened, I asked for our status. Like two sides of the coin, there were two sides of the story. I was just asking for assurance about the relationship, if we call it one and basically, he thought I was pressuring him to commit to me.

At first, I cannot see it, I cannot see the part, that I was pressuring him, but 7 days later and a zillion times reading the conversation that we had in yahoo that I saved. I saw it.... the part of me that I was dreading to be....The monster crawl into me and I for that moment sounded desperate.

As any broken hearted girl, it would be flight or fright case to case basis and since I have been always choosing the latter, I made a decision to fight. At 8 pm in the evening at my house in front of the computer, I have done the unimaginable, I send him sms and ask him, "do you like me?" actually, that was suppose to be " do you love me?" but I thought that was to way off. Then he never replied......I was really pushing him and I might lose something that I have because of too much paying attention to detail.

If you can read this, I am sorry, I never thought I'd be like this, but please do understand that I am just wanting something to start right...I woke myself up from my dream, I woke myself up, we should be like before enjoying each other's company first, I should be in a way sensitive enough to know that you are having hard days...

But thank you, I already woke up, I know now what to do. I should love myself more, I should be true to myself that I need to respect myself..Thank you, that even I want to bury myself alive for the sms I sent you, it already happen, I cannot turn back time and take back what I asked, what I had done...

I am now awakened and no more sleepless nights, thinking on uncertainties, thinking of bad things, like you leaving me...I know, you also had enough of me and I pushed you way too the edge of the cliff that you don't want to come back anymore...but now i am awake and I will love myself I little more than before.

i hope you get through your obstacle right now and if after all this things we still decided to be together, let fate decide on that, but for now I will enjoy my awakening.