I can be the one

Dati nung mga panahon na nababaliw pa ako sa iyo. Lagi ko ginawa ang lahat ng bagay, para ba masabi ko sa iyo o maramdaman mo na "I can be the one". Sa unang pagkakataon nasaktan mo ako, maraming beses, di lang ata isa..minsan di ko na rin kayang bilangin, kung sasama ko yung mga pagbalewala mo at saka pag iwas mo sakin ng bigla bigla na lang.

Ngayon, iniisip mo pa ba na ganun kita kamahal, paano kung ako rin ang magsabi sa iyo ng "I can be the one who will break your heart this time?"

Ako

I grew up in an environment where, you think of others first before your own. That you will be given life's rewards if you choose "sacrifice".

All along in my life, I only think of others before me. What would others say? What would others feel? What would they expect me to do? I gained people's respect, I do not know is it because of my personality or because, I put them first before me?

I never regret my choices in life, because, I know to live life is also not to look back with shame. Always be careful with your choices and if cannot be helped, you have to stand to a decision in which you think you feel you can accept and live with.

I lived my life for other people but not mine. I thought that I can only continue to pursue to breath a little bit more because I have people who needs me.

But 2008 seems different, I am tired, suddenly tired of putting off to people's demands. I want to life my life now, not for people, but for my own..Live my life, as if my last and my choices would mainly be to answer the only question, will it make me happy??

Is it being selfish? I really do not know.....Is it a sin to hope for your own wellness?... Maybe I'll answer it on my next entry? =)

Tattoo

Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one

Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you

I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus x2]
Just like a tattooI'll always have you

My Man

Dreaded commitment because of your dreams
Always wanted to improve your life by all means
Visualizing your life of being alone
In the future you say, you'll have it all...
Did not matter, how it will go, because your eyes are locked to your goals.

Please stop looking at me like that
Hoping you'll stay forever more
Anticipating your dreams would include me
Making me more, lonely

Cross the bridge when I get there, they say
Only to wish to see you on the other side
Now here we are again, together and happy
Going out and enjoying each other's company.

This is my now, will I turn away or stay?
Unchain my heart from this situation
Although I grown to learn that this is not forever
Never I surrender praying that one day, you'll be "My Man"

Earlene
January 19,2008
10:09 am

Crew

I was helping my brother edit his resume yesterday and I cannot imagine how years have gone by so easily that now, he is a matured grown man, ready for the real world.

As part of his job experiences I saw, staff crew for a food chain..He was proud to say he was once a crew. Two of my brothers worked on a food chain and I am not ashamed to tell my friends. I even let my friends see them at work.

Being a crew is hard work, when they come home around 2 am and then just sometimes sleep without changing their clothes, I know they were tired, serving other people, giving them their best service to people. Making sure orders are correct, and on time. Making sure, the tables are clean and tidy.

I strive hard until now, not because for myself, but because of my siblings, who have been so helpful of me as well in bringing up our family. Living in the Philippines in hard, and even harder if your family is bigger.

I thank them until now, because, we have a give and take relationship. We sacrifice some of our time to enjoy life, to work at a young age.

Now, my brother has just graduated and ready to look for a corporate job, we will work hand in hand until our two other siblings graduate. I love them and I do not know living life without them as well...and for my brothers who have worked hard, I salute you...I love you...mwaahh =)

band aid

Sabi ko sa sarili ko ayoko na nito. Nakakatawang isipin na pati sa google, pwede mo na i search ang mga advises na gusto mo nakuha pag heartbroken ka...Keep away, occupy your mind with things, be with friends, surround yourself with love ones, enjoy LIFE....

Hanggang ngayon pare-parehas ang pinag dadaanan mo, medyo na lang nag eevolve kasi after the first heart ache, you learn. Di ko alam na pati pala sila nag eevolve. hehehe =) May mga kaibigan rin ako nakaranas nyan, humihingi na nga ko ng padlock di na bad aid. Para wala na sakit...pero sadyang my heart is like a teenager, wala pa masyado alam, kaya gusto pa mag explore...nyahaha...

Actually nakita ko lang ang pic na ito, ganda kasi, sometimes even you're heart broken, you still find ways to see beauty on things around you...you find that, ang paglaban kahit talunan, ang importante, buhay ka pa rin...ready sa susunod na laban after mong magpahinga at maghilom.

Hhhmmmm... ilang bad aids na kaya nasa puso ko?? hehehe =)

After A Month

Alam ko dapat ko isulat ito... December 26, 2007 di ko makakalimutan yun, 4 days before Saturday shift tayo nun, sabi mo gutom ka na. I shared my cookies, bigay ni bob yun sa akin. Sabi mo the "biscuit taste different, is it expired?" sabi ko hindi, pero nung tinikman ko, naintindihan ko sinabi mo.. ahahaha =P

Pero di ko alam kung alam mo yung araw na yun, December 26, 2007, ika one month ng confrontation natin, bigla ka ng pop, sabi mo "i will be passing my thesis on January 11 and I am already done until Chapter 4, left with 2 chapters". Di ko alam ang dahilan mo,para sabihin yun, pero I took it as nothing...but I told you I was proud of you.

I never thought by that biscuit eh, we would be talking again, but if it made the trick.THANK YOU, BOB. =P A week later,sinabayan mo ako umuwi, never realizing, you were trying to ask me out....But, it came clear, when, you said can I go out to movie with you? (pasensya na po sa mga bumabsa, kung tunog conio, english speaking kasi itong, boylet ko)

I said no, when you asked me out, tingin ko kasi mali at that time. Pero, sabi ko sa sarili ko, next time you asked me out, I will definitely say yes.... di ko naman alam na 4 days after ganun ka kapersistent, you asked me again, this time your words, melt my heart.... "earlene, i hope you watch movie with me or have dinner tonight? can?" yesssss.....bigla ka ulit naging guapo sa akin...ahahahahaha =P

This time I said yes, but I do not want to hurry up things....I do not want to jump into conclusions...I just want to say, it's good we are in good terms again, I know it's been one month hell for you as well...so for now....let's be friends once again....=)

Earlene
House
1:33 am January 12, 2008

Tama o Mali

Nung maliit pa ako, pag mabait ako at tama ang ginawa ko, siguradong may magandang regalo ako sa mga magulang ko o sa lolo at lola ko. Pag makulit ako, o matigas ang ulo, sigurado may palo rin ako. First sign na natatakot ka o nasasaktan ka ay pagpatak ng luha sa mga mata mo..pero dahan dahan mo natututunan ang pagkakaiba ng tama at mali.

Habang lumalaki ako, nakakakilala ng mga tao, may mga nagiging kaibigan, lumalawig ang kaalaman mo sa tama at mali. Minsan natutukso ako gawin ang mali, pero dahil sa murang edad at takot, diko na tinuloy ang mga bagay na yun. Lagi ko kasi naririnig sa mga pinsan ko na mas matatanda sakin na " naranasan ko na yan, kaya wag mo na gawin, dahil nasa huli ang pagsisise".

Ngayon nasa tamang edad na ako, ano nga ba ang basihan ng tama o mali? Pag ba masaya ka, tama yun? Pag ba masakit, mali?

Behind The Tears...is a Strong Girl

I can now smile, I can now joke, after a while.
They say I am a tough girl, that I can get over it easily.
Losing weight was not an option but sleepless nights cannot be helped.
Too much thinking is a killer and swollen eyes is a dread.
I tried my best not to soak my pillows with tears, but my clothes are not an exemption...
But now, I can smile and I am much stonger now...

Attention

When we were small, our parents will always give us attention and full of it. When we are growing they would teach us how to sing, dance, recite a poem or do something that would capture attention (like our clothes, hair, eyes, balat) hehehe =) Those things did not matter if it is correct or not but as long as we can see people giving us the eye and then smiling, then we hit the homerun.

When we are teenagers, we hide, we do not let people see us, we do not want them to see the changes happening to our body as if we are morphing into aliens...When we become adults and fall in love, the only reason we want is to seek attention and get it from the person we love.

Why is attention that important? Why do we yearn for it? Why do we work hard for it? Last time I sought your attention, I told myself, I will not stop until your eyes are locked to me....but in return you hurt me. Now I am doing my very best not to notice you, not to look for the one thing I want from you, but you are the one freely giving it to me now? Why?

I still want your attention, but will it gain me happiness or just another heart ache? How far will you go, for me to capture your attention? or you're just checking out on me? Are you leaving soon, that is why you are giving it to me? Then should I give it to you, because time is precious? or are you also yearning attention from me too?